They don't know...

I am crying and hurting...

my child and i are on different pages...

and i realize through the tears that it may be unfair to expect my child to meet me half way...

 if they simply...

just can't...

Just like a mother would not expect a young child to carry a full glass of water across the room without spilling...maybe i can't expect more than this...for now...

They can't possibly know...

HOW MUCH LOVE i put into EVERYTHING I DO...

every conversation...
every time i stop and listen to you...
look at you...

every time i climb behind the wheel to drive them from here to there... and back again...
the hours and hours i sit waiting for them in my car...

every pain and flu tablet i pop out of that blister-pack...

every vitamin and allergy pill i try to remember to give...

every cup of coffee made just they way they like it...

a special treat provided...just because i know you will smile...

every banana with cinnamon or apple with peanut-butter i chop up after 8pm... 

a hug at the right time...

a chewing out...

the times i have been prepared to do battle on your behalf...

the buying of yet another bottle of conditioner because we are looking for the 'right' one...

the plucking of eyebrows...not mine...

every time i stand and watch some new level reached on the computer...not really understanding a word being spoken...but making all the right noises anyway...

walking through the dark cold house in the wee small hours checking that all slumber peacefully...

the time i say "just call me if you need me...if you feel worse during the night" and mean every word...because you are NEVER too much trouble for me...

every load of washing ever washed... dried... ironed...

every single prayer spoken out loud at bedtime or whispered in my car...

the concern for that finger slammed in the car boot today...

the time in the car that i stitched on that button that's fallen off your jacket just as we were leaving for somewhere...

helping you to wash your hair...

having your school uniforms ready on time...

the starting of every difficult conversation...

every photo i take of you...

the sympathy...

THE EMPATHY...because i feel for you...

the times i share my bag of chips or roll of sweets...that last sip of my guava-juice...

the homework help provided...

that water in the glass bottle that i put in the car for long journeys to quench your thirst...glass being safer than plastic...should the car stand out in the sun...

the times i help you make up your mind...even though i want for you to be able to do it yourself...

giving you your space and longing for you at the same time...  

the badly timed trips to the shops to buy that examination pad so desperately needed...

when i say 'just let me know that all is well with you...when you are away from home'

the being there...

being available all the time...

being switched on...

tuned in... 

they just don't know...

 that i put love pure and simple into all i do...

and when things go wrong between us it hurts...

<3<3<3