loveXXL

Have u ever been a little depressed...?

I have...
I am...sometimes anyway...
for me...it comes and goes...

I have a perfectly lovely life...

not perfect...no...

but lovely...yes.

Things could always be better...

...but...

things could always be worse too...

For the most part i am a ...

not totally optimistic...

not totally pessimistic...

 sitting on a fence...looking at the beauty all around me...
ready to take a photo...

 kinda girl...

and

 then

 i

 slip...

When i slip...

i fall...

and

I feel like i am disappearing...into the mist...

U know what i mean...

like when u r driving...

and it's a dim, misty start to the edge of day...

 the sun is hiding...

turned off...
lost...

And...

there it is...looming...up ahead...just waiting...

 u have to drive straight through this eerie earthbound cloud...

and it kinda swallows u...your car and your kids...

your life... right up...

and it's like u r in another world...

everything looks less clear...

and it feels...less too...

and the 'light' can't find u there where u are...

stuck...

helpless...

Everything 

looks

feels

tastes

better when the sun shines down upon your life...

and now that light just can't reach...

through the mist...

can't find u...

can't warm u...

comfort u...

cheer u...
light your path...
show u the way...

The only way out is through...

It's not even like being caught in the shadows...

shadow implies that there is light nearby...

mist means

 the things u love r hidden by the mists...
u know u have a good life...
many blessings...
but u just can't 'see' them right now...

all u can 'see' is the swirling mists...
thick and cold and damp...

All u want is for the mist to lift...

to be burned away by the sun...

to let the light in...
and to let u out...

The only way out is through...

i change...

u change...

they change...

seasons change...

times change...
things change...

reasons change...

dreams change...

everything changes...

even moods change...

it cant rain forever hey ...

for all those in the mists of a depression of some sort...
remember...tomorrow will be better...stay strong...C


PS
I have found that 'talking' is my only way 'out'...people are my sounding board...
getting 'things' out into the open...it helps me decide how i really feel about 'things'...
because in the confines of my own head...
 they just bounce painfully... going round and round...
and i seem unable to make sense of them...
kinda like i'm on the merry-go-round with my thoughts...
only it's not so merry...
and i am looking...for answers...
 and all i see is the blur...
of the park spinning by too fast for me to ever get off...

Recently i had a break through...just by talking to a friend...

the answer was inside of  me all along...who knew...?!

it just had to find it's way up to the surface...
 speak-up  in a brave voice...
and just like that...
feelings became thoughts became words spoken...
 and now they have settled deep in my heart and mind...

"I WILL NOT tear down what i have built up with my own 2 hands"
with Gods help i will live in the moment even if it is a misty one...
and i will love mine with a loveXXL
it is my passionate promise... my God given mission here on this earth
and
I will keep my eyes trained on my God... not the storms of mists that may blow through from time to time.

*this post was written a while ago...when i was going through a bad patch.