loveXXL

Have u ever been a little depressed...?

I have...
I am...sometimes anyway...
for me...it comes and goes...

I have a perfectly lovely life...

not perfect...no...

but lovely...yes.

Things could always be better...

...but...

things could always be worse too...

For the most part i am a ...

not totally optimistic...

not totally pessimistic...

 sitting on a fence...looking at the beauty all around me...
ready to take a photo...

 kinda girl...

and

 then

 i

 slip...

When i slip...

i fall...

and

I feel like i am disappearing...into the mist...

U know what i mean...

like when u r driving...

and it's a dim, misty start to the edge of day...

 the sun is hiding...

turned off...
lost...

And...

there it is...looming...up ahead...just waiting...

 u have to drive straight through this eerie earthbound cloud...

and it kinda swallows u...your car and your kids...

your life... right up...

and it's like u r in another world...

everything looks less clear...

and it feels...less too...

and the 'light' can't find u there where u are...

stuck...

helpless...

Everything 

looks

feels

tastes

better when the sun shines down upon your life...

and now that light just can't reach...

through the mist...

can't find u...

can't warm u...

comfort u...

cheer u...
light your path...
show u the way...

The only way out is through...

It's not even like being caught in the shadows...

shadow implies that there is light nearby...

mist means

 the things u love r hidden by the mists...
u know u have a good life...
many blessings...
but u just can't 'see' them right now...

all u can 'see' is the swirling mists...
thick and cold and damp...

All u want is for the mist to lift...

to be burned away by the sun...

to let the light in...
and to let u out...

The only way out is through...

i change...

u change...

they change...

seasons change...

times change...
things change...

reasons change...

dreams change...

everything changes...

even moods change...

it cant rain forever hey ...

for all those in the mists of a depression of some sort...
remember...tomorrow will be better...stay strong...C


PS
I have found that 'talking' is my only way 'out'...people are my sounding board...
getting 'things' out into the open...it helps me decide how i really feel about 'things'...
because in the confines of my own head...
 they just bounce painfully... going round and round...
and i seem unable to make sense of them...
kinda like i'm on the merry-go-round with my thoughts...
only it's not so merry...
and i am looking...for answers...
 and all i see is the blur...
of the park spinning by too fast for me to ever get off...

Recently i had a break through...just by talking to a friend...

the answer was inside of  me all along...who knew...?!

it just had to find it's way up to the surface...
 speak-up  in a brave voice...
and just like that...
feelings became thoughts became words spoken...
 and now they have settled deep in my heart and mind...

"I WILL NOT tear down what i have built up with my own 2 hands"
with Gods help i will live in the moment even if it is a misty one...
and i will love mine with a loveXXL
it is my passionate promise... my God given mission here on this earth
and
I will keep my eyes trained on my God... not the storms of mists that may blow through from time to time.

*this post was written a while ago...when i was going through a bad patch.

use your platform...

Hello :) and welcome...to my world...
On my mind today...

I am a firm believer in using your platform....

we have indeed all been given one...

Apart from the obvious...the first that comes to mind are...

teachers...and here i have seen it firsthand ...

how a caring christian teacher will take her faith and incorporate it into the business of teaching ...
I LOVE IT !! because 'they' r my backup ...reinforcing what i have already taught...
i am grateful when my children hear the truth from others that i have no influence over...and they r quick to report to me when they hear something that deviates from what i have spoken of...
or

A beauty technician using her time to encourage, talk and teach... God things during her time spent doing someones nails... A friend loving another friend by providing a meal during troubled times... Prayers promised and then truly said...for strength and courage for another weary worried traveler on this journey...
A sms...bbm...e-mail... to the right person at the right moment can make all the difference...
What are these things ... feelings, thoughts, formed into words and 'spoken'...

Our words r SO powerful...it's actually like a super-power we all already possess ...
and if u think of it like that...
then what r u using your 'words' for...
good...?
 or  bad...?


I do believe anyone anywhere can be a blessing to another...with only words...

But we r only human and sometimes we 'drop the ball' so to speak :(
Take me for example...just this morning...i could have told the grade 1 boy who came running up to give me a big hug... that Jesus loves him...or to work hard or be a good boy in class and be a good friend...when i returned his hug...
i didn't...i only thought about it as i watched him run off to his class...
today i didn't... but next time i will...!!!


It's too easy to admonish bickering kids to 'be nice' or 'use your friendly words'
and then u expect nothing less than total compliance...?
do u use your nice and friendly words with your partner or your sister or at work or with the car-guard and the perpetually unfriendly lady at the post office that ticks u off so bad that u have steam coming from your ears...and don't even get me started on road-rage *guilty again* i know i don't always do what's right...sadly...
but for the most part i do try...
there is always room for improvement :)


I am becoming...
but one thing i have always been is an "ENCOURAGER"
 i forgot that for a while...
but

Someone i don't know... reminded me recently...
with just a few words and a question on her blog...
thanks :)

XXX


Ps
Did u know that to say 1 negative critical thing to a child...is so harmful...
u have to say 10 positive things to undo the damage...






   

Gods timing is perfect...a true story...

I want to share something pretty amazing...I will try unpack the events neatly for u...

while we r Christians we don't attend church...we sit together as a family of 5 and watch Angus Buchan in his Grass Roots Sunday morning program...and we r blessed...

we talk about the message and i will usually point out something to the kids that i feel is important...

Well that is what we were doing a while back...
then life happened...

Recently the Holy Spirit has been pricking my conscience...

reminding me...

encouraging me...

cheering me on...

and then a couple of things happened...only a few days apart...
and bit by bit my mind was blown...

thing no 1

i recalled seeing that an episode of Grass Roots was recorded at some stage...
and i wanted to see if we had already watched it...so i could delete it if we had...

we had not...
so i kept it...to watch at a time we overslept and missed the show...
then i forgot about it...

thing no 2

someone i happen to trust in these matters posted something on FaceBook

i had a little read... and watched the 'clip'...essentially warning folks about "Prosperity Preachers"

two things struck me as interesting... one) that for as long as we 'live' we must guard against wolves dressed in sheep's clothing....alarming...for me ?...yes...

two) that in these 'tough economic times'...when the worry over money matters is never far off...

we are to be happy with our lot...that if we have food and clothes...we must be content...

I shared this 'clip' with my teens...over their lunchtime meal...and we chatted for a while too... i also showed it to Edwin that same night after supper...and again we talked...

It had clearly struck a cord in me...but one thing was bothering me...A LOT 

if people who knew their Bibles better than i [for i have heard these preachers names mentioned and praised and seen their book to be bought in the stores]...had been 'fooled' by the "prosperity preachers"...how would little old me...see 'them' for what they are...i mean here we r thinking about searching for a church...how would i know...this question along with 'was Uncle Angus teaching my family the right thing...?' burned continuously in my mind and i felt disconcerted...and fearful...a little at a loss...a little lost...

For me...this is just too important to get wrong...!

thing no 3

Sunday morning we overslept...
and over that first cup of coffee in our 'Parlor' we sat talking ...

and feeling bad that we had missed 'church' again... so... we gathered together to watch that episode that i knew was waiting for us un-watched on the PVR decoder ...


and
I
was
blown
away

by that message...

that one random episode...

recorded in April...

watched in October...

God answered EVER SINGLE QUESTION i was asking...
God knew i would need to have those answers...months before...i had even formed those questions...
and amazingly that episode had 'survived' regular checks by one or another of us... for things recorded to be deleted to make space for new recordings...

God's timing once again proved to be absolutely perfectly spot-on...

I kid you not...
I have no reason to...

This is how my God speaks directly into my life and circumstances...
revealing Himself to me and mine... as a God who is near not distant...
a God who not only listens but hears me... and shows me the way...

I am so grateful that my teens got to experience this situation first hand...
it just doesn't get better than this :)

Thank You Lord
 Amen

Breathless Beautiful Moments...mine...

"Life is not measured by how many breaths we take...

but by the moments... that take our breath away..."
as 'they' say...or something to that effect :)

I love love love taking photos...

i take photos every day...

 so many things 'catch' my eye...
and i am compelled... to try and see...
 if i can capture that 'thing' i just saw...

the way the sunlight...
the way the wind...
the way the shadow...
the way the movement...

 it inspires me...

feeling inspired is a feeling i like :)

Then... i can't wait to see what i got...

and it's a huge thrill when i get something good...

Here are some shots that took my breath clean away...

because i was amazed that i took such a photo...

all credit to my camera...of course :)

This is our pool water being agitated by Brandon...

This was a family affair...shooting for this photo...

Shooting for a photo challenge here...i wanted to 'catch' the splash [and i did] 

but it's the kids reactions that really pleased me in this photo :)

Bianca is shocked...Brandon is like ...YES!! and Bradley just watches amazed with the ghost of a smile...for me it is... fascination...

The moon on the water did it for me here :)

Playing with the eye...

This is an underwater shot...with Bradley's bucket reflected back perfectly on the surface of our pool... 

This shot is how i picture God's love shining down...

I would like to know how it feels to be free as a bird on the wing...

and i am curious to know how flying feels...

Have u ever watched Homing Pigeons...

what a thrill it is for me...the way they move as one...turning this way [they flash silver] and that [they blink black] VERY COOL :) they once even came swooping right overhead and the sound of their wings... pure excitement...the earth didn't move but the air sure did...i felt them in the rush of the wind as they flew away... 

pure joy :)

Photography has reminded me just how patient i really am :)

Taking photos has surprised me too...

now u see it...

now u don't...

i see u...seeing me...seeing u...

:)

What a exhilarating thrill... to see my world...

 in this freeze-frame kinda way...

VENI. VIDI. CEPI. i came. i saw. i captured.

In my time... i have taken hundreds of photos...

and when i look over them...
 some shots get no more than a warm glance as a fleeting memory flashes through me...

and then...
 there are THOSE perfect moments captured ... that totally grab hold of me...
ALL OF ME :)

These are some of those...

the ones that i linger over...
that take me back...
they make me smile as i recall...
bringing happiness bubbling up to the surface...
 these are the shots that i LOVE

This shot of Bradley is one of my ALL TIME favorites...ever...

I was shooting for a photo challenge at the time... i think it was 'Yellow'...

and Bradley is always willing to 'help' me...

I don't really know what it is about this photo that i adore so...

could be the magic of the sunlight making the ball come alive like that

and the way the sun touches his outline and makes his ears transparent :)

may be the red heart on his chest symbolic of our love...

or the way he throws himself in to all he does with such joy...

could just be the kid in the frame :)

could be any one of those things

 or all of them !  

XXX

The next series of photo happened in January this year...

when we were at my best loved place on earth...the sea...

with my best loved people in the world...

magic moments can happen on any given day... absolutely anywhere...

all u need is your camera :) and those moments will be yours FOREVER...

untouched by the passage of time...perfectly preserved from forgetting...

that is what i love about taking photos of them...

because...

this all means too much to me...

i don't want to forget a single moment of this love-story...

i don't want to forget for a single moment... loving them...

and how that love... looked...

anywhere...everywhere...all the time !

We had just arrived at our hotel after a six hour car trip [give or take]

and we don't waste time...so off we went in search of the fun on the beach...

because being able to only see the sea is just not good enough :)

sights. sounds. textures. smells. salt on your lips.

it's the only way...

Naturally eager and hungry for photos...

i surrendered to my passion...

Much later that night...

 i was thrilled when i looked over the days photos...oh the story they tell me...!

they do say 'a picture speaks a thousand words...'

there... on the coarse wet sand... 

with the endless roar of the waves in his ears...

 and the sea's sticky wind blowing... 

the images spoke louder than any words ever could :)

this is what i captured...

how big the ocean is...he seemed to say...

or maybe 'just look at ALL this !' 

and i wonder if he felt small...

 i am ready...bring it on...

in this moment i am...

 free...

i will...

spend time...

 in the wild sweetness of this moment...

i will play...

i will celebrate

i will cheer

for this exact moment in time will never be mine again and i have given it my all...

XXX 

In the next few photos...i was playing around with shooting in black and white...

and so i pointed my camera and squeezed...

This delightfully spontaneous sequence of events was what i captured... 

I titled these shots...

'A boy and his Cat... need to be watched very closely...'

:) 

just watching tv

and then...

an idea...

what will happen if...

i blow in her ear...

oh ok... 

she doesn't like it...

 she looks ok  :)

XXX

I plan to share more of my favorite...

...photo-stories...

*VENI. VIDI. CEPI.

I came. I saw. I Captured.

is a photography quote

not mine... but i like it :)

if u know who said it...please post it in the comments...thanks C

Yesterday...Today & Tomorrow...

Today i had a moment...i am prone to them...

i welcome them...i cherish them...

We [all 5 of us] were standing in our front yard...golden sunshine all around...Bianca's hair tossed and turned by the wind...Bradley kicking a ball around... while Brandon rescued Google our 'rare' ginger female cat from climbing too high...our front yard with it's really high side wall...

a wall i liked for the privacy it promised the first time we ever laid eyes on this house...back when it was still... just a house... not yet a home...

the home part came later...soon after we had feathered our nest...and settled in it...

but mostly this house became home...

when we carried over the threshold... first a pink bundle and then two blue ones...each in their own season...

 and with each child born in that same hospital...driven home along those same streets...

to the place where they will always have a 'soft landing place' and more love than they will ever need...

that feeling grew... for it was really with them, that...

this house became a home... 

...where the heart is...

Today

the older children came walking across the garden towards me...
to talk...standing close...as is their way with me...

and suddenly i remembered a time from 'yesterday'...

The image of a little girl... a whole 2 years old...wearing a soft pink tracksuit and tackies...

her long then blond hair with it's softly curling edges also blowing in the wind as she runs the length of our front yard...hops on that swing with her doll and rides her little black motorbike up and down...the plastic wheels making a loud grinding noise on the paving...

I remember how the cool air felt...it was winter...

getting dark...time to go in...i quickly say a rhyme out loud for her...

teaching her creation and God things...

"I see the moon ... and the moon sees me...

God bless the moon ... and God bless me..."

I pick her up...and holding her close i point... showing her the moon...high up in the fast darkening sky...

my prayer is that God will truly bless her...abundantly...

And then... there is in my minds eye... an 'always busy' boy child with green eyes so like mine... he must be all of 3 years old and he and i are sharing...

 this front yard and that rhyme... the moon and this same moment under the evening sky...

only... it's years later... my prayer is just the same...

Time has marched on... and on... since then...as only time does...

My Bradley and i have shared this self same moment...

here in our front yard...

where so much playing...running...kicking and growing together has happened...

our front yard...where the heady fragrance of...

Yesterday...Today & Tomorrow

greets the dawn and is fresh each morning...

swirls around on the warm afternoon breeze...

and hangs heavy in the night air...

for we are not done here yet...

there is still playing... running... kicking and growing together happening...

here in our front yard... 

tomorrow is another day ...

Ain't Love Grand...

Yesterday morning i asked a warm and sleepy eyed Bradley...

 if he was ready to wear his Summer uniform to school...

he agreed readily...being a 'hot' child... and i cautioned

him to take care not to fall...

 that he would get hurt...

 now that his 'running legs' were bare...

Time to fetch him revealed scratched and raw knees...

some silly child had tripped him and laughed...

[best i not find you, you little rotter]

Bradley immediately began to express fear for bath time...

 and the burn that would surly come... 

And burn it did....!

It's not fun when your child is in pain...

even this kind of fleeting childhood pain...

pain is pain hey...

distress is distress...

I really tried everything i could think of to spare him...

 as much as i humanly could spare him...

it burned anyway...

he cried...

a lot...

"Mom...meee ...

Mom...meee it's sore...

owie ... owie ...

Mommy it's burning..."

and the tears flowed freely...

and the little voice shook...

and the little body hunched over... protectively...

and my heart bled for him...

and i was stressed...

enough for this thought to pop into my mind...

"Mothers really do get the worst of it..."

feeling a little resentful...

i wondered where the father was...?

 why he was not coming in to check...?

to help...

i would have come running...

but then I AM THE MOTHER

i have no choice...

it's instinctive 

I am always to be found in the trenches of motherhood...

where all the really hard work happens...

where all the sweat and tears happen...

where the love and service happens...

where almost constant and persistent...

 prayer for them happens...

where the soul shaping happens...

where the lessons happen...

the bitter ones and the sweet ones...

where the bonds are formed and strengthened...

tried and tested...

bonds that WILL stand the test of time...

My child is hurt and in his pain he cries out my name

and i am there...

 to help and comfort and soothe 

Yes we mothers have the worst of it...

and through the worst...

 we have the very best of it too...

Ain't Love Grand