Watching a Son grow...

When i count my blessings i count my children twice :)

When i was pregnant the first time...with the first grand child...we ALL wanted a girl...

My mothering instinct to protect my children kicked in...i felt sorry for and protective of the son i may be carrying...because no one 'wanted' him...i should have known then...i would be good at this :)

So i convinced myself i must be carrying a boy child...i mean seriously what were the chances that i was about to give everyone exactly what they wanted...slim to none was my thought... 

We found out in the delivery room that our wish had been granted...

Unfortunately...there were no ...

CONGRATULATIONS IT'S A GIRL...

:(

I was 23 years young and sensitive... 

I had just laboured  for 14 long and painful hours...

and been delivered of a 3.8 kg baby...

she had needed PLENTY of help being born...
and we really almost lost her that day...but that's a story for another time...

All is well that ends well  right :)

I was 'over the moon'...
i had a brand new little person to love...

I had no fear...

i was a girl...she was a girl...

I'VE GOT THIS

i thought :)

...until...

Fast forward 3 years...

I gave birth to my first son...

And i should have known by the way Brandon arrived into our world... and hearts...
that this new relationship was a game-changer...
that he would always be the one to challenge me...to be better and faster and more loving and more angry and more forgiving and less afraid and to just... LET GO...

Now baby boys and girls are mostly the same in the beginning...
BUT... there comes a time...
for us it was when Brandon turned 3...
and
with a flick of the BOY switch..
all that male-child-ness becomes visible like a watermark...
and it's sink or swim time...


I never really wanted to mother boys...

they are too loud...
too busy...

too boy...

too different...

And during the rough and tumble years...
the struggle years...
the sighing... eye rolling years...
the angry words years...
the i am sorry years...his and mine...
the worry years...
the tears in BOTH our eyes years...
I wondered at why God had thought i could do this...
ALWAYS grateful that He had given me a...
 reasonably good...totally sweet and loving in nature...
little man...with a soft heart at his center...

Sometimes my challenge-child... ALWAYS my darling...
There were many time i thought of throwing in the towel...
[how does one even do that...in parenting?]

But i discovered that in love i am no quitter...

I just don't have it in me to turn away...
  walk away...
and stay away...

Yes i may storm off...speaking cross words...
words i never dreamed would ever leave my lips...
only to turn back... a room away...and retrace my steps...
back to him...
ready to show him...
I.
am.
 all in.
for him.

So the growing together years were filled to overflowing with...
the bitter-sweetness of motherhood and childhood...
for you can't have one without the other now can you :)

Then suddenly your tween becomes a teen...

And how different that process is...
I knew what to expect with Bianca-Leigh...
but watching a son grow...now that is something else..
it has surprised me...
and
delighted me...

It's a gradual thing...
starting slowly...

suddenly...

the voice breaks...
and underarm hairs spring into the light...
before my very eyes
 that upper lip become slightly hairy...and the hairs grow darker...
and the feet grow and grow...
and the legs grow and grow and grow...
and he gets broader shoulders...
and biceps begin to bulge...
and legs grow as strong a steel...

and he starts to treat me like a woman...not just Mom...
standing back to let me pass...
carrying heavy things like the grocery bags for me...
and i am thrilled :) because i like 'real' men and he is becoming one...
he  begins helping his Dad with things... more and more...
almost ready to stand shoulder to shoulder with his Dad...
in height and strength...
of muscle and character :)
And when he speaks...from the heart as he so often does...
[he and i know no other way to be...]
he.
 blows.
 me.
 away...!
he has a very well developed EQ...
with enough sympathy and empathy...
common sense...good strong morals...
and a heart of gold i tell u...
that belies his tender age of 15...

And
I
 REJOICE 
that I have a Son

and that I have been privileged enough watched him grow...
into the great kid he is...
and that he'll put his arm around me in public :)
and tell me how much he loves me <3

And i gratefully acknowledge that the Lord ...
 has blessed me beyond measure...

<3<3<3

  Post Script
Dedicated to my oldest Son...
of who i couldn't be more proud...
Thank you...

You go Boy !
Behind you... 
every step of the way...

<3