It's all about how i can only do things
'in MY way' because...
being me is all i have...
and it's enough...!
This post has been a long time coming... my other blog is a photo challenge blog... this one is a little different... this one is for my heart from my heart...
We all go through 'tough stuff' painful uncomfortable things...
My first topic...
Growing Pains ...
I am SAD...
sad to see my last born child leaving
nursery school...
He is 6 years old and to my horror... no longer strictly speaking my 'baby'... you can't honestly call a child that age a baby now can you...
Both my older kids went to the same nursery school and i felt this way with them too... and survived :)
the only difference is that this is my 'last' little one :( no more babies for me...
not that i am 'too old' or wouldn't absolutely love another little one in my arms...
But the end of my 'child bearing years' have never the less arrived and i don't like it !!!
Not one little bit...!
I am not like other woman... most people i know can't wait for their kids to
grow up and grow away...
I am filled with sadness at the thought...
and as shocking as this may sound...
i just really feel like the best years of my life are over :(((
My husband hates it when i say things like that... he doesn't understand... but then again neither do i... why must things always be so hard with me...?
I know i'll be 'happy' again...
but no expensive far-away holiday... new car or fancy furniture makes me feel this rich deep and abiding sense of fulfillment...this soaked to the pores feeling of... wonder, joy and love... i have really enjoyed being a mother [it's actually all i've ever wanted to be... even as a little girl i can remember playing with my dolls and wishing them to be real... living, breathing babies...]
I am happiest when 'my nest' is full...like for school holidays...when most mothers are feeling ... lets just say... 'differently' ...
these same mothers... they want to celebrate 'back to school' day...
and i have often asked myself don't 'they' understand or care how fast their kids are growing up and away...
I was thinking back over my life the other day...
remembering...
and i realized something...
The younger me wanted...
the love of a 'good' man [and i prayed earnestly for that...] and also children.
I feel VERY BLESSED to have both...
and thank God ALWAYS for granting me the 2 things that are all i have ever wanted... all my dreams have come true... not many people can say that and have it be the honest truth :)
But now as they grow...
i am faced with the burning question...
What's next... and if nothing can compare to the 'platinum' of being a mom... then how much 'fun' WILL i be having...?
Here having faith comes into my story...
I am sure God has a plan for the older me too...
I strongly believe in all things having a beginning...middle and end ... and that u can't skip over any of them to get to the other... 'the only way out is through'... this thing we call life... all the peaks and all the valleys...
As my littlest son goes through these last few days of nursery school... nursery school with it's comforting sights and sounds... evidence of young childhood everywhere... a time of innocence and feeling safe and sheltered...
I know saying goodbye is going to be SO hard... i'll thank his teachers for all they have so lovingly done... for 'mothering' my boy in my absence... and help them to understand how special i think a 'good' teacher is !
I no doubt will cry...
And as we stand by the gate... he and i... about to leave for the very last time... i'll pause and look back over the playground where i know my 3 spent many happy hours just playing [each in their own season...] precious time... just being little... these were truly the wonder years... i will know that...
it is the end of an era and it will hurt...!
We all go through 'tough stuff' painful uncomfortable things...
My first topic...
Growing Pains ...
I am SAD...
sad to see my last born child leaving
nursery school...
He is 6 years old and to my horror... no longer strictly speaking my 'baby'... you can't honestly call a child that age a baby now can you...
Both my older kids went to the same nursery school and i felt this way with them too... and survived :)
the only difference is that this is my 'last' little one :( no more babies for me...
not that i am 'too old' or wouldn't absolutely love another little one in my arms...
But the end of my 'child bearing years' have never the less arrived and i don't like it !!!
Not one little bit...!
I am not like other woman... most people i know can't wait for their kids to
grow up and grow away...
I am filled with sadness at the thought...
and as shocking as this may sound...
i just really feel like the best years of my life are over :(((
My husband hates it when i say things like that... he doesn't understand... but then again neither do i... why must things always be so hard with me...?
I know i'll be 'happy' again...
but no expensive far-away holiday... new car or fancy furniture makes me feel this rich deep and abiding sense of fulfillment...this soaked to the pores feeling of... wonder, joy and love... i have really enjoyed being a mother [it's actually all i've ever wanted to be... even as a little girl i can remember playing with my dolls and wishing them to be real... living, breathing babies...]
I am happiest when 'my nest' is full...like for school holidays...when most mothers are feeling ... lets just say... 'differently' ...
these same mothers... they want to celebrate 'back to school' day...
and i have often asked myself don't 'they' understand or care how fast their kids are growing up and away...
I was thinking back over my life the other day...
remembering...
and i realized something...
The younger me wanted...
the love of a 'good' man [and i prayed earnestly for that...] and also children.
I feel VERY BLESSED to have both...
and thank God ALWAYS for granting me the 2 things that are all i have ever wanted... all my dreams have come true... not many people can say that and have it be the honest truth :)
But now as they grow...
i am faced with the burning question...
What's next... and if nothing can compare to the 'platinum' of being a mom... then how much 'fun' WILL i be having...?
Here having faith comes into my story...
I am sure God has a plan for the older me too...
I strongly believe in all things having a beginning...middle and end ... and that u can't skip over any of them to get to the other... 'the only way out is through'... this thing we call life... all the peaks and all the valleys...
As my littlest son goes through these last few days of nursery school... nursery school with it's comforting sights and sounds... evidence of young childhood everywhere... a time of innocence and feeling safe and sheltered...
I know saying goodbye is going to be SO hard... i'll thank his teachers for all they have so lovingly done... for 'mothering' my boy in my absence... and help them to understand how special i think a 'good' teacher is !
I no doubt will cry...
And as we stand by the gate... he and i... about to leave for the very last time... i'll pause and look back over the playground where i know my 3 spent many happy hours just playing [each in their own season...] precious time... just being little... these were truly the wonder years... i will know that...
it is the end of an era and it will hurt...!
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