What's a lock without a key....

Relationships ARE complicated...BUT the hard work involved is SO worth it :)
This is how i see it....kids are like locks....and parents hold that 'big brass ring of keys'
[u know the one i mean...like in the movies or on cartoons]
Keys of all shapes and sizes and some that just plain won't work...
[maybe there are even 'keys' for other peoples kids on your 'key-ring'..lol]
just to keep things.... interesting !

U have to look for and find the key/keys.... before u can turn that lock...

Here is a breakdown of my 3 'key' relationships

I practice 'attachment parenting'...Google it if you like...

Love it or hate it...i really don't care...!

It's my preferred style of mothering :)
I have taken from it what feels right to me and run with it...

Bradley - we are close... he is still my 'baby'

Brandon - we are close... he and i are cut from the same cloth

Bianca-Leigh - we are close... we are 'BELIEBERS' together

Let me explain...for those not 'in the know'...a Belieber is a passionate Justin Bieber fan

My relationship with Bianca has previously not always been as 'close' as i would have expected... or indeed would have liked it to be...

THE LOVE between us HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE...
in closeness she blows hot and cold...

Bianca kinda keeps us all at arms length just a little bit u see and i for one did not want 'things' with my ONLY daughter to be 'that way'.... outnumbered by the Y chromosome as i am...!

And i wasn't gonna give her up without a fight, to be sure !

So just like a Lioness lying low in the grass....driven by instinct...

 i watched and waited....

My moment came when about 4 years ago...

she started showing a significant interest in a young dude by the name of Justin Bieber...

 and she started to talk about this and that to do with him....he then exploded onto the music scene and because she was following his every move [social media is amazing!] and talking about him A LOT... I was intrigued... 

 at first... it was just to 'show an interest' in ones child... as one does.... and then [deeper... and deeper...] to have something in common with her .... something to chat about... that's when i 'hatched my plan' and it became.... something to 'bond' over...

 .... i now too am a fan of his....how could i not be....

 it's easy when u know as much about him as i do....lol

She has bought all his cds and listened to them OVER and OVER... ask Brandon [who is not a fan] 'We' have watched all his tv appearances ... bought all his book and read them too ... her and i went to watch his movie together....and then bought the dvd...and had a movie night...[making all the boys watch too] and so the list goes... on and on....I was there with the purchase of every poster for her wall and every magazine that ever did [even maybe] mention his name :)  One moment however, stands out for me...my most treasured memory is one of me going into her bedroom at 1am to find her awake and very animated [unusual for her] ... she told me that a friend on bbm had alerted her to the fact that Justin Bieber was coming to SA for a concert... *FINALLY* .... i was happy for her and told her so and took myself off back to bed...or so i thought...  by the time i got there...only a short walk later...  i was properly awake and excited in my own right .... i lay down...changed my mind...sat up... and slipped out of bed again... walking back towards her room...  i got in at the foot of her bed and there in the dark... with winter swirling around us...like dreams... i set about creating a special memory for us... we chatted about this new development...and how she never thought he would ever come to sing here.... how neat it would be if we could swing a couple of tickets...how it was something to look forward to.... she just couldn't believe it was really going to happen.......the next morning when she was telling her Dad the 'good news'... that's when Edwin and i realized that the 'pressure was well and truly on us' to perform when the time came....and that we would pay just about anything to make this dream come true for her.... also that it was probably going to be SUPER tough to secure those tickets....! and now 'Bieber-Time' is almost upon us....tickets for his #BELIEVE tour 2013 go on sale soon...wish us luck.... and through it all she and i have grown closer and closer....I very happily have found this 'key'  :)

POST SCRIPT...

The weekend before the tickets went on sale...

nerves were ON for Monday morning...

would 'Operation Bieber' be a success....?

We took the kids on an outing...

to play 'pitch and putt'

and when this pink golf ball became ours...

 we took it as a sign...

:)

To our ecstatic amazement ....

we got 2 golden circle tickets !

smiles all around :) 

One of 'those' days...

On that particular morning i was having one of 'those' days...u know the kind i mean...

things were.... not off to the best start...and saw me 'storing up' stress in my being like batteries store energy for later use... and BOY did i use it....!

As most mothers know...there is nothing on earth that can produce more worry, stress and  genuine heartache that our kids...

That was the emotional space i found myself  in, that day... u see Bradley really struggles to adapt to change and it is a problem...! because change is inevitable....!

I was having a word with his sympathetic teacher... and we were trying to formulate a 'game-plan' like 2 coaches do to accommodate the 'star player' [well he is in my eyes anyway]

I was vaguely aware of another mommy in the cloakroom off to my left... i happened to be in the middle of my 'plan B' pitch... which was 'or i could just 'pull' Bradley from the concert all together....' an idea that didn't really 'sit well' with me or the teacher...who quietly voiced her rejection of the idea...but in such a way that i did not feel offended...we were obviously on the same 'play in the book'
It was at that precise moment that this other mommy came through the doorway and insinuated herself smack bang right into the middle of our conversation....with this gem...
"well i am sorry i don't agree with that at all....!"  She didn't get any further than that...!
My head swiveled to the left where she stood and i pinned her down with my 'angry eyes' ... i was instantly incised...who did she think she was to judge me...?  and feel free to tell me so too...! I wasn't having any of it....!!!!
My mouth opened and words shot out like lightning bolts meant to burn and they found their mark easily...if her face was anything to go by...i am not sure to this day exactly what i said during the first moments of that storm...
By the time my sluggish brain caught up with my nippy mouth... i was able to reign 'it' in and utter these heated words..."with all due respect...you don't understand the circumstances here...!" and i dismissed her at once by turning my attention back to the somewhat stunned 'assistant coach' before me...as we concluded our game plan i was fully aware of the 'burn-victim's' silent and hasty departure from the classroom...
That's when it happened...my until now 'mute' conscience found her voice...and it was LOUD and it was CLEAR....!
I felt miserable for the rest of that morning and kept going round and round...and back around again....
One side of the argument was in favor of the tongue lashing metered out...and the other was insisting that an apology was in order...?! Those nearest and dearest to me defended my actions....while others... not members of my 'golden circle' admitted how it was not like me at all and i should go with the apology... why i asked others for 'help' with this is beyond me...because i knew all along what needed to be done and that i would...say sorry...not for putting her in her place...but for being so nasty about it...
That afternoon when i fetched Bradley i told his teacher i was sorry for 'causing a scene' in her classroom and she was totally understanding even going as far as telling me an apology to the 'burn-victim' was not necessary [what can i say....my bladder sits in my eyes...yes...i cried...]
I decided i would deliver my humble apology when i bumped into her again....if i even managed to recognized her...
Those first few days of 'fetching and carrying' Bradley 'back and forth'  i felt nervous about bumping into her and wondered if she was 'healing' well...
As time passed... swiftly... as time does......i became aware of a shift in my own feelings on this matter...i was now hoping for another accidental meeting...as time was of the essence...
As Bradley's LAST week at nursery school began to draw to a painful close for me ... i became worried that our paths would not cross...
On that last day.... dropping him off for.... the last time.... i remember closing the car door and in the back of my mind feeling sadly resigned to not being able to 'say sorry'....time had passed.... [a whole week.....water under the bridge]
I had bigger problems to worry about....not only was i dealing with 'the end of an era'...*sniff*. but Bradley's nerves about the graduation and concert that night were uppermost in my mind and heart....talk about going out with a bang!!
Fast forward to 6 for 6:30...the auditorium at the University of Technology
I had many thought and feelings running through my mind....how is Bradley coping..?...i can 'feel' that he is not happy :( as a result i too am not happy .......I DON'T WANT TO CRY!!!! ..... i KNOW i WILL....!!....i hope no one sees....so what if i cry.... and 'they' see....
Somehow in the midst of this, another storm... i find time to wonder about my burn-victim...she must be here tonight...somewhere in this 'sea of faces' i have given up on that apology...what are the chances of seeing her tonight...let alone getting a chance to speak...
I am sitting eating my salt and vinegar Lays chips....they are SO good ! but i shouldn't be indulging this way....i am on a diet after all....i feel bad about eating them....there are people still arriving.... filling empty, quite uncomfortable seats....the row in front of us has a few seats still open...people come...it's obvious the two grannies in front of me who have been here a while already... are 'with' these latecomers...
they take their seats...the lady in front of Edwin turns around to ask me to 'call' a friend seated in the row behind us...i smile and do so...they greet each other and congratulate themselves on ...'getting there'...as i sit and watch this little 'show' i start to wonder...isn't this her... she looks a little familiar to me...the hair isn't curly tonight though...she may have straightened it...  i lean forward and touch her shoulder...'are u the mommy i had words with the other day...?' i asked  .... Yes it's her!....i apologize very sincerely and she graciously accepts and tells me she is happy i am there...confusion for a moment... then clarity... i WAS threatening to remove Bradley from the events about to unfold...I say 'yes it was touch and go there for a moment  wasn't it' and smile...she smiles back...our exchange is over...i can't believe how 'lucky' i am....
 Things are about to start....our kiddies enter in from the back... carrying little torches... to the song 'carry your candle' i am totally overwhelmed by emotion the tears start and just won't stop...no matter how hard i try.......i notice she too is crying ... her husband has his arm around her shoulders to give comfort and she seems not to be 'worried' about her tears and who sees them...
i spot my little son and my heart explodes with love for him...
Afterwards...when all is said and done...i marvel at how God works in my life...
Think about it....
what were the chances of being able to 'fix' this...slim to none... she was essentially a stranger i spoke [harsh words] to once... the lights were dimmed... the place was packed... the tickets were bought weeks ago and they could have been seated.... ANYWHERE.... way out in front of us....next to us but further along our row....or somewhere behind us....and i would NEVER EVER have seen her face....had i not been placed right there between her and her friend...she would not  have turned around to ask me for 'help' and in doing so...revealed herself to me....that's just too perfect to be a coincidence my friends...it was all part of the plan...
Later that evening after enjoying the kids on stage... we got another opportunity to speak very briefly as we walked past each other....me having fetched mine from the teacher and her on the way to fetch hers... and i learned her reason for interjecting the way she had that stormy Friday morning...and i'll tell you this ... she deserved my apology... and so with lessons learned all round.... all's well that ends well...
and I was grateful to God for so many things that night :)

 

  

Where is my Christmas ?

As i walked slowly through the house... tidying up after Bradley [my 6 year old] and Google [my female ginger cat...who has been behaving just like a toddler since we dressed our Christmas tree a few weeks ago... for example... one day i came home and she had pulled at least 10 if not more ornaments and other goodies off  said tree and deposited them all on the carpet in the lounge... some morning i find things carried by her...down the passage and into our bedroom.... her nocturnal hobby it seems...]  it dawned on me that one thing is missing this year... I have not been listening to my much adored Christmas cd... AT ALL :o very unusual behavior from my 'i <3 this time of year'...self...!!!
When i stop to analyze how this could possible have happened...i quickly figure it out... but too late ! the damage is done :(  now that the 'home-school-home-school-home' [whew!!!] routine is done [for this year at least....] the kids and i who have lost out on precious sing-along time ... need to make a concerted effort to fit in as much carols as possible before Santa warms up those reindeer of his.....because u see... Christmas just isn't Christmas unless you have the famous...'Jingle Bells...jingle bells...' or the good old 'Rudolf the red nose reindeer.... ' for an ear-worm song....lol...until that happens....it's just not Christmas time yet  :)