Almost Wordless Wednesday :)

These boys...with their waywardness... 

Will...in their own time... take their rightful place next to their Dad...

Watching the 'men' in my life standing like this...

well...

it doesn't get more real than this ...!

<3 <3 <3

The little lie...she told...

They stood close together...off to one side... talking ...

plotting their new course... 

He asked.... 'Are you sure you will be ok when... the bell rings...?'

his voice was filled with concern...his brown eyes sought hers out...as was his habit...

She felt her heart drop uncomfortably to the pit of her stomach...
at his question... as the little lie left her lips...

'Yes, i am sure...' she smiled too...for good measure...

 a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes...

because... they had become moist...damn !

There was a cool breeze on that late Summers morning...

and a weak watered-down kind of sunshine surrounded them...

She couldn't help but notice...the halo it caused...

as the hairs on his head were stirred to life...

candescent strands floated up... and then... came to rest again...

her photographer's eye noticed...all of this...as was her habit...

Listening with her heart...

She heard what he did not say... 'I am not ready yet Mommy...'

So she stood...

 where she always stands...

I have time... and it belongs to you...

Count On Me song by Bruno Mars

Monday Motivation...

Dragonfly Life Lessons

Pretty hey...

I was sitting on the 'stoep'  aka veranda...deck...

my 'eye' traveled over the still waters [of the pool] then in the shallows...

 movement...something was DROWNING...

and...

 FIGHTING...

I jumped up to help... clumsily fishing it out with my teaspoon...

the dragonfly was EXHAUSTED... and rather wet...

and i wondered if i had got there in time...

The photographer in me kicked in...and i ran into the house like a mad thing :)

 to fetch my camera...

[yes my family do think i am delightfully strange - are we not all so..?.]

Poor thing was still there when i got back...

and i could take a few shots [plenty actually]

This was a rare opportunity to do so...have u ever tried to capture 'one' in glorious flight...

not easy is all i have for u.... 

a closer look...revealed...

 Upon getting a closer look at her i noticed her one wing had the tip torn off...

and i understood how it is that she fell into the water in the first place...

i now held very little hope for her RECOVERY...

As i was loosing faith...

Suddenly she was...

 READY TO TRY AGAIN

and with a flash and flutter of her wings ...

off she went...

I had no way of 'telling' her i didn't fancy her chances...

and she didn't 'tell' herself that either...

We all get 'torn' in this thing we call life...

we 'over-think' things sometimes... and listen to the 'noise' of others...

bringing on the doubt...

when all we really need to do is...

REST & RECOVER...LEARN something...and

JUST TRY AGAIN

:)

Wordless Wednesday...

This sunset was today guys...

this post is for those who missed it ...

:)

Monday Motivation

Yesterday was not a good day.... nothing was coming easily to me...

In the late afternoon i sat down with a cup of tea...

I kept glancing down at my mug...how can ones eye not be drawn to it... right...

it's such a 'cheerful' yellow...

a great colour choice for a mug with that one wistful little word ...

 JOY...

And i found myself wishing...

IF ONLY... joy could be found and taken by the cup-full...

mug-full...jug-full... depending on how much u needed...

*sigh*

Sorry for u and me !!!

It just doesn't work that was...sad hey...

We have to 'find' the joy in our day...circumstance...life...

Because the truth is...WE ALL get the SAME 'test'...

Yes yes i know...don't we all feel sorry for ourselves from time to time...

My problems are worse than...

My heartache is more achy than...

NO 

it might not be...

Sad is sad... disappointment - disappointment... worry - worry...

they all feel the same to the human heart...

 It's just the reasons that are different...

It's what we do with the lessons learned that matters...

When i was a kid...the saying went something like this...

'Is the cup half empty or half full...'

Recently i have seen it said...'half full - half empty... doesn't matter...

 count yourself lucky that there is something in your cup at all'

Count your blessings friends :)

Work on being 'present in the moment'...

Find your joy...

 in ordinary moments and things and places and faces...

It may not always be easy... but it will always be worth it !

Wishing u all... JOY :)

Wordless Wednesday ...

the end :)

bitter - SWEET

Here is where... i still stand ...

in morning's cool air... the sun is shining down in golden patches ... throwing shadows of trees onto the ground... the school children run and laugh and play... they swirl around us... [my Bradley and i]

like mist...

 We are roughly 4 weeks deep... into this journey... he and i... 

I am [just about] the only mommy still standing...

 waiting for that moment... when the hash sound of the school bell blasts through the air... signaling to us that the time has come to say our goodbyes... for the morning anyway.. 

The little kids all scurry into their lines to wait for their teachers...

they do not stand very neatly [they try... but fail] they chatter like monkeys...and for some [mostly afflicted by that busy little y chromosome] just holding that ball...made for fun and flying through the air during play... becomes an impossible task... what i now know is... the ball ALWAYS gets away...

I have enjoyed my time...  just watching... i look through a window if u will...into their world...
 not all parents get to see this.... and i feel lucky...
The teachers on 'terrain duty' take command of this squirming mass of noise makers...
by singing songs with actions in to dispel a little of the nervous energy in the crowd...
counting games with actions [meant to ground little minds...] and one teacher who very obviously understands the workings of the young child's mind and is fearless in using her power...even generates a little healthy competition between grades...this little trick works like magic... as expected :) and i 'like' her success  and am impressed... on this morning i keep score... 1 point to the teacher...
I most enjoy the songs...they transport me back to my own childhood...in the blink of an eye...and the feelings and memories are... good !  and i take comfort that in a world where things are forever changing... somethings do remain the same...

The glances Bradley throws me are fewer and milder...
 and i can see he is 'at ease' in his new world...
His beautiful face and gorgeous brown eyes are no longer filled with sadness...
no... something else is reflected there now...

At his request...I still follow along on the ground floor...
 as he and his classmates become a big... fat... creeping caterpillar...
winding it's way...
up the stairs and towards their corner classroom...

I still answer his now less emotionally charged waves goodbye...
and those truly precious kisses he blows my way...with ones of my own...
He still glances my way one last time before being swallowed up by the doorway...
In all things that still remain [the same] there is something new...and beautiful
 a quiet confidence...and peace...

And 'there-in-lies-the-rub' dear reader...
the bitter-SWEETNESS...of the 'letting go'...
his... and mine...

I do confess...
 to my mother's heart feeling a little bruised...
the 'suffering' is no longer his that i am feeling as if it were my own... it is all mine...
but the pride and joy i feel at his progress...by far outweighs any pull on my heartstrings ...
 

And as i stand alone... in the shade...
 loving him desperately as i do...i look up and watch him...
 through the not quite bare branches of a tree...that has surly seen better Summers...
i can't help but notice how beautifully the sparse leaves... kissed by the morning sun as they are...
glow... a brilliant emerald green...


You are now a fledgling my darling little lovebug...
enjoy learning to fly...
knowing ALWAYS...
 our bond is unbreakable...

<3

Ps

I have this week begun to prepare Bradley for my departure

 at the sound of the bell next week...

I do wish... that things didn't have to change...

but i know it's time...

Sniff...

 i have always maintained that motherhood is like a roller-coaster ride...

the highs are really, really high and the lows are really, really low...

   

Motivation Monday

Say what !!?

Really....?

getting lots of practice...Monday...? 

Every day...!

With Bradley starting school proper...

Brandon doing grade 9... a leap in effort required...

and Bianca-Leigh... at the 'tip of the iceberg' of her final year in high school...

My role is a combination of...  'team G' cheerleader ever 'up' and positive...

 'owl wise' psychologist...

exhausted not to mention hoarse town crier...

and THE MOMMY... and we all know how many hats she wears...right..?..right!

So between teaching my 6 year old to read, write and do maths...

I council my 14 year old and...

 pour oil over his troubled waters...

 as he stresses about 'subject choices' and getting grades 'good enough'...

then in my imaginary spare time...

 i encourage and support [in any way i can] my 17 year old through....

 her feelings of being overwhelmed by the task ahead...and her fears...

I find myself saying things like...

Eat the 'frog' first...
[didn't know what it meant the first time either]

meaning: do the thing u least enjoy first...get it over with...

and

lol we all know what this one means...but it's good to remember...

that it is possible...

But.... i ask u with tears in my green eyes...

who will motivate me and calm my fears...?

Going to be quite a ride :)

:(

Gone too soon...

We never knew you...

But by all accounts you were a lovely girl...!

Even in these sad things....

always

lessons to be learned....

R.I.P.