I will stand by you...

The sun is warm on my bare shoulders...

The clouds are coming in...but not quite here yet...

The wind is playing with my untamed curls...

Bradley is done with his swim...

He is ice cold to my warm...

I wrap his towel around him...

I have music in my ears...

We stand where the waters are deepest...

He leans into me...

I feel the wetness soak through the faded Barney towel and then against my skin too...

Not for ANYTHING in this world would i break contact...not even if i was wearing silk...

We stand like this and he talks of dragonflies...

My warm hands are on the rounds of his shoulders...cool and smooth...

My legs are cold and rater wet now...

I answer him...

 and listen to the words of the song...

The words of the song are stirring up my emotions...
Rooting me to this spot and in this moment...

"You're not alone...

I will stand by you...

I will help you through...

When you've done all you can do...

and you can't cope...

I will dry your eyes...

I will fight your fight...

I will hold you tight and I won't let go..."

Small arm outstretched... he offers up his palm to the shiny yellow dragonfly...

I know that his invitation will be ignored by the beauty flitting and flying... from here to over there...

But actually it comes quite close...

Only about his grade 2 rulers length from resting....

Together we stand...still hugging...watching and waiting...

while mother nature and mother-love weave us tightly together...

Post Script
Rascal Flatts sings 'I won't let go...'

  

This Hurts So Bad :(

Fresh tears would come in waves today...

Turns would be taken...

I am not really a 'dog person'

BUT

I am SO sad...

In a feeble attempt to avoid the pain i try to tell myself...She was just a dog...

She WAS just a dog - but she was our dog :(

She was my favorite out of the 3 ...

She was a really good mommy to her first and only litter of 5 puppies... so many moons ago... 

When I myself had only 2 young ones to care for...

She took motherhood seriously... just like me and i loved her for it...

We were mothers together her and I.

A great watchdog she always looked out for us...quick to let me know of the goings on in the neighborhood...

She was gentle and loving all these years...

Even this morning still mustering the energy to wag her tail a little bit just for me...

She will be missed around here...

This was our first time...having to have a pet 'put down'...

There were gut wrenching decisions to be made...

I decided some time during the wee small hours that I would stay with her...

That she would hear my soft soothing voice when the time came to leave...

That she would feel my loving hands upon her as she slipped away for good...

I am not sorry we did what we had to do...it was time...

We owed her that...

But i am deeply saddened that she is gone...

The sadness has filled me up... 

 It keeps overflowing out through my eyes and down my cheeks... 

My heart is sore... 

I have come to understand that i am a mother to all...

 the children and animals under this roof...

that must be why this hurts so bad...

***

October 25 2014

Blossom was 13 years old

The Canvas of the Sky - The work of His hands.

On Monday, the Lord held the paintbrush in His expert hand...

It was time to add clouds onto the blue of the sky...

With a steady hand...

 He applied gentle pressure, and pulled a little white, across the blue... in looong sweeping lines...

Today the canvas of the sky would look like this, all day long...
and the beauty of the heavens would be plain to see, for all who cared to look...

On Tuesday, the Lord held the paintbrush of the sky in His expert hand...

It was time once more, to give the heavens, something lovely to hold...

With a steady hand...

He dipped the brush into living water...

and confidently smudged white onto the blue...

Today the clouds upon the canvas of the sky... would look like a priceless water painting all day long...plain to see, for all who cared to look...

On Wednesday, the Lord stood ready once more, paintbrush in hand...
 He began early ... and it soon became apparent that...
 He had chosen to conceal the whole of the blue...
 hidden...for just a while...

With bold strokes he painted away the blues...

 Light greys and darker ones too became,
 His masterpiece for today...

Although this was not as breathtaking a sky as before...
and i would not be able to see the sun set...
These were still special clouds...

The Lord had filled them with life giving water...
which fell down to be soaked up by the thirsty earth... at exactly the appointed time...

And the beauty [that only rain water brings] will surly follow...

just as sure as the sun rises and sets and the tides ebb and flow.


Post Script

On the early morning school run on Monday i had commented to Bianca-Leigh that the sky looked so beautiful to me...
Like God had painted those long sweeping lines of clouds with a paintbrush... for that is exactly how the clouds appeared...like they were being pulled across the sky and off  to one side...

They stayed that way all day and every time i got into my car [which happens often] i was struck anew by the beauty of it all.

Tuesday saw me saying to her that today God had dipped His brush into water and smudged the clouds into place...like a water painting of white on blue... now there were no lines... in their place... familiar looking clouds hung on the horizon of the heavens...

Wednesday we awoke to grey skies...and later the rain that began to fall...

For me ... the heavens and nature proclaim His glory... every day... for all to see.


I am only sorry that i was not able to take any photos.

On : Peppermint-crisp tart and being 'Saved'... Oh and the last Swim of being 7 ...

Hi :)

It's funny how these things happen to me...

One minute...normal life...the next...a blog post in my brain :)
It doesn't happen often enough...

I have less than 20 min to 'pen' this one...

GO

We went outside into our backyard he and I...

He still isn't allowed to play out there on his own...never has been.

Our swimming pool is uncovered...and that has always been our rule...

The dogs greeted us with loud barking, energetic jumping that belies their years
 and tireless tail wagging as always :)

I listen hopefully for the baby birds we have heard begging for food on the roof...

but nothing ...

My camera is in my pocket...

We came out here so Bradley,
 who is hot from kicking his ball around the front...
can put his feet into the pool for a bit of a cool down...

He starts what we came out here to do...

I notice ... as i always do...

the way the sun sparkles and spins in the water he is waking from it's long Winter slumber...

I begin to photograph him...

After a while i have plenty of shots...
 and this 'tame foot dangling' is about to become his first swim of  Spring...
the water is COLD still... but his fun filled nature is fearlessly leading the way...

I take photos of him...getting in deeper and deeper...
childhood excitement and exhilaration written all over him...my eyes are drawn to how the back of his hair is getting wet and is darker... and how a few drops of water higher up are winking at me in the sunlight...

My heart stirs the bitter-sweet syrup of motherhood into these words...

"Last swim as a 7 year old !...." i call out to him who holds my heart...
  as i squeeze the shutter button again...

My tender heart aches just a little bit as these words sink into my soul...

oh the sweet sticky-ness of it all...

I surrender to this feeling like i have surrendered to motherhood...
...completely...

Surrender really is the only way you know...
the secret to enjoying every precious moment...
yes, even the brutal ones...

As Bradley bounces in deeper and deeper on the tips of his little boy toes...

I take the time to capture him...
his essence...
on his last day of being 7...

 One thing i know...like i know that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west...

Time is fleeting...

It flows like a river...
Sluggish and meandering at places along the way...
Fast and relentlessly in others...

Time never rests...no matter what!

We [he and i] will never come past this way again...

He splashes and calls out to me through the coldness and the laughter...

"Look Mom! ... one last jump"...changing his mind...greedy for the fun to last a little longer...
"3rd last jump..."

He jumps many more times than that :)
I stop counting...

When the cold finally wins and he decides to get out...he stands in warm sunlight...

hair plastered down flat and dark...drops of water cling like kisses to his face...

I wrap a colourful towel around his shoulders...

I see goosebumps on his legs...I rub his hair dry quickly to help bring back his warmth...
and then i hug him close to me...trying to give him some of mine...his skin is icy to the touch...
i rub his back and shoulders and let go of him...and He says "no hold onto me Mom!"

I can only obey...

He is remembering something and asks how old he was when last he swam...

He then tells me it was on a day that turned rainy in the afternoon and that we ate peppermint-crisp fridge tart that day... and that it was good :)

The next memory he has is of me jumping into a busy hotel pool fully clothed to 'save' him...

I told him today that i will always 'save' him if i can...

I mean it too.

Why do we sometimes think that little kids do not understand or can't or wont remember...?

His memories about our life and love are vivid...which always surprises me...

mine are too ... which doesn't...

He even remembers that another mommy said that i rescued him so 'beautifully' [gracefully]

and that she gushed about how it was a 'magical moment'...one in which he learned that i will always be there for him...for all of my life...

For me it was instinctive...
i was on my post...
  watching him and reading and watching and reading...
i glanced over at him...
intuition alerted me...
  he no longer looked comfortable somehow...  i didn't look down again... 

I went from 'lounging' to sitting upright as i watched to see if he was ok...he was struggling a little...  all he needed to do was turn around and move towards the shallows...but he had begun to panic at being out of his depth...

 As soon as he said 'mommy help' i was up and moving quickly but without panic and apparently quite gracefully...closing the distance between him and me i threw down my hat and kicked off my shoes...my eyes searched for the shortest distance between him and me...reaching the wall i needed to jump off  ... i remember thinking as i fell through the air ... i can't believed i am doing this!...

The water was lovely and warm ... welcoming even... 

The next moment i had him scooped up and in my arms... safe and sound... saved...

This whole episode took mere seconds to play out...
and probable didn't warrant me making my 'dramatic much' splash...lol 

The things parents will do for their kids!

Thinking about it now...i love that he said...'the day you saved me'


Happy Birthday Monkey... you are the sweetness in my life <3

Post Script
I 'saved' him in December 2012...He was just 6...and he could swim.
Afterwards he told me he had become disoriented by somersaulting one too many times...
  

Everyday Magic...

I am sitting in the garden...in my rocking chair...

I am outside watching Bradley play...I am still his constant companion...for a little while longer...

It's cold inside the house...warm out here...

My legs and boots are in the sun...the rest of me is in dappled shade...

We really do have the most stunning weather here in South Africa...

I have just refilled the bird feeder... 

the stale bread is on the ground ready and waiting...

I feel sorry for them...especially during the winter months...

I wonder if they will come to me...like yesterday...tummies so hungry that it makes them brave...

Little bodies needing fuel to stay warm during the biting cold night, that sees to it that the birdbath is frozen over, when dawn, that brings mercy with her, finally arrives in my garden...

Yesterday for the first time, i sat in the garden with them or was it... they with me...?

It was a treat to be in their company :)

As i wait for them ... i watch my son ride his bike round and round our small front yard...

lost in his childhood... he has just finished building a brick 'hotel' for the big shiny black lizards that have made their home in the leftover and long forgotten brick pile next to our house...this is where you will find them... sunning themselves...if you care to look...

Bradley asks me what i need from the shops...he pretends to go buy my fixing for our supper tonight...

i play along as always...

His bike is lying waiting for him off to the left of me...he unknowingly...just like a child!...kicks up a cloud of dust as he bends to pick up 'my' bread....at first i am unhappy that he seems to be in the center of all that dirt billowing up...up...and around him...dust as old as time... disturbed by the boy's carefree-ness... making his mommy worry...

As i watch...

 something magical happens...the dust cloud swallowing him up... floats free from the shadows and reaches for the light...and is transformed into, gold dust, instead of dirt...so pretty...i stare...

transfixed...wishing i could have taken a photo...but i have learned that the eye can make the heart remember too...

I glance around the garden...Bradley has moved on...totally lost in his game...

There are little white insects drifting over the wall and across my line of vision...
they really truly look like mere bits of fluff...

I am taken back to my own childhood...as a little girl i would have seen fairies for sure!!

How magical is childhood for the lucky ones...

As i think of things such as this... the tree above me, is coming slowly to life...

the birds have spotted their supper...

They have arrived...

and they have brought braveness with them...

feeding while i sit right here... rejoicing...

It seems the word has spread...far and wide...how do they do it...?

more feathered friends are making themselves heard...

louder and louder...

Until... this old tree is alive...and quivering...
branches groaning,  under the weight of these delightful little creatures...

And that's what can happen in your garden too...

the magic of the everyday.

After being away...

Hello and welcome :)

Recently we have gone back to church...

After being away...[away from church not God] for a very long time...

And it feels like coming home to be honest...

On Sunday morning I asked Bianca-Leigh my 18 year old to go watch over my 7 year old at 'kids church'

Bradley was tearful at having to go... and I understand him...newness has always pulled this out of  him...

He needs time, love and tenderness to settle...

So she understand him and she understands me too...she knows that i am not really used to feeling torn where my children are concerned...I mean 'it' has come up...that one time...lol...no more than once but not usually...so an unselfish daughter stood in for me...wouldn't be the first time either nor the last...i am sure :)
Bianca-Leigh has always been a second mom to Bradley.

And the men in my life and i walked together through the church doors...

found a spot and relaxed into the worship...feeling happy and contented...

As we sat and listened and stood and sang...I was momentarily aware of the 'short me' standing between these two tall ones...

these two... who are so different from each other but somehow still the same... not cut from the same cloth...no...but still a type of strong durable fabric...well with them on either side i felt small and feminine...
protected...and cherished...and strong and vital and locked in and ... alive. 

And when we sat down comfortable in our seats...and my elbows touched both of theirs...

these men next to me...one young and one not that young anymore...my bodyguards...i smile as i write this line...for it is not really so [and of course at the same time it is really so too...]... i felt grateful ...

Sitting in God's house elbow to elbow...with these people i care SO deeply for...my people...my tribe...

And my heart rejoiced and i gave thanks...
thanks for a husband SUCH. AS. THIS.
thanks for children who listen to me...

and go where i go...


And
 I KNOW...
God will do the rest...

  

7 such a delightful age...

Hi ... 

This song by Mindy Gledhill pulls at my heartstrings...

My littlest son...

The one who...

 finds a chip looking like a number 1 and excitedly tells me i am his first love...

who loves wearing a 'beanie' ...

or a cap... no matter...

but something you will find on his head...

I can see his own personal style starting to come through.

 and i feel excited by this... for they must each be who they really are...

I am biased but i think his style is kinda cool...

He is active and full of fun and bit of a daredevil at times...

After outings he will tell me over and over just how much he enjoyed our day...

this one...

he talks...

 a lot... 

As he gets older he appreciates doing new things more and more...

i guess he is growing in more ways than one...

He can be grumpy at times but is always quick to say sorry...

He has a lighthearted streak...

here he is trying to foil my attempts at getting my shot...

he can be a little naughty... but is mostly nice...

Sometimes i get the feeling... 

I'll need to keep my eye on this one more so than with the other two...

Post Script

So this happened last night...

He came to me wrapped quite unsuccessfully in a towel...

his skin warm and still damp from his bath...

He was telling me something too important to wait until after he was dressed...

he leaned on my mother's day gift...the one from him...the one made at school...

When he turned to leave...he laughed and came straight back to my side...

in his hand was a scrap of paper... untidy red lines with bits of white shining through...one of the hearts he'd hurriedly drawn and coloured in to add to my gift...to tell me in his childlike way of his love for me...

This heart that must have stuck to his arm more than once as he leaned in...

 and shared his... little boy... growing big... self... with me...

"I keep stealing your heart..." he said... a smile in his voice...

I could tell he found the paper sticking to his arm...funny...

so like a 7 year old to be tickled by such a thing as this...i smiled back at him...

But at his half apology... 

half explanation...

 came this thought straight from my mothers heart...

'Darling little boy of mine...it happens more often than you know...'

   

The beauty that pulls me in...

She sits in patches of sunshine...

that is her way...

Yesterday...I sat for a moment too...

in the absolute calm of a new day...

I looked out of that same window...

I saw stillness out there...

I was aware of the newness of this day...

the untouched-ness of it all...

I saw a purple sky up high...

the morning star was pinned there...

and lower down in the blue...

that's where the day waited to burst through...

lower still...

a pale yellowness...
creep...creeping...crept...

What a miracle...the new day... 

There was not a breath of wind...

the pool water held no rippling...

only clear reflections could be found...

I only sat for a moment...

after seeing all that

I knew what i had to do...

I unlocked the sliding door...

disturbing the dogs...stirring them from slumber...

they came forward to greet me...happy to see me...

old legs stiffer and slower in the dawn...

that first bark...was cold too...

coarser... 

hoarser...

 than i know it to be... 

I shush them...crossly under my breath...

they are waking the whole world...

 I feel bad just then...

they gave me joy...

I gave them reproach in return...

I set up my tripod...

I take note of just how cold the morning air feels...

I hope i don't surprise a scurrying rat...

he may just drop dead when i scream...we both might...

I worry about spider webs... the ones i'll feel... not see... 

Looking at the neighbors security lights...

I like how they light up each and every window...

it feels safer somehow...light chasing away the shadows...

I start to shoot...

today is one of those days i feel that the camera cannot possibly

capture the true beauty that pulls me in...that pulls me out...out here and into this...

that maybe just maybe the eye is superior to the shutter and lens...

Or is it all in the feeling...

I take a few shots...

the cool...no cold... morning air is creeping too...

up my bare legs in under my gown up to my knees...

the steel of the tripod is startlingly cold now...

And that's when it hits me...

Summer has slipped away...right round... to the other side of the earth...She is travelling...

She has not fully arrived there in all her glory... yet... it's only Spring there now...

and we still feel generous Summer's presence in our daylight hours...
when the sun beats down blessings from high above...

but She is on her way...

And while it's still Autumn's turn here now...

 for a moment longer... still Autumn...

We can feel Winter's icy fingers have touched our mornings and evenings...

and we know She won't be letting go...greedy Winter wants it all...

and She will have her way...

Post Script
When you start writing something in your sleep just about...
or to put it another way...if the exact words are swirling in sentences as you surface from sleep...
then you know you have to ink them...

My feet hit the carpet a split second before the alarm clock sounded...this scenario is VERY unusual in our house...lol...but that's how my day started at 5:30am

I wish i always had something to write...sigh...
but it only comes to me...when it comes...

    

...giving Bradley my time...

Hello and welcome :) 

So many things gave me pause today...

I stood... where i always stand...

The wind rushing by me is cool and i am a little uncomfortable...

the sun is off ...again...

I am dressed for summer but autumn has arrived...
and sunny South Africa has not been too sunny of late...

I watch
 and
 wait...
giving Bradley my time...

They play ball... so many emotions play through them...

I worry about another's baby being hit in the head by my son's ball...

I hope they don't hurt the baby or break a window...

They are not playing too wildly...

so my eyes wander...over the wall of the nursery school...

I can't help but notice a mommy saying an extra loving goodbye to her little son...

lots of contact she buries her nose in his neck...kissing him quick...

her tender mothers hand travels down his little body and she pats him on his bum...as mothers do...

I look over at my own boy child... smiling with his friends...he looks at me and shakes his head...the other two are fighting...i roll my eyes...and smile as i mirror his shake with one of my own..

I can't help it...i look back over the wall... to see the mom leave her reluctant child...

he doesn't cry...he watches her for a little bit and then leans his forehead against the cold, rough cement wall...his small foot rolls a rock around on the ground for a moment...

His friend speaks a few words but they do not engage him...the friend walks away...

I watch and wonder if it's true what 'they' say...."they don't miss you after you leave..."

He lifts his head...he looks for her...

she is gone...

I half expect him to... maybe shrug and walk away into his school day...

He makes up his mind...

and in a flash... like only a young male can...

he startles me...he is off and running...across the play ground and out the nursery school gate...

I move forward too... fearing for his safety and aching for him too...he runs swiftly out the main gate and into possible danger...i am too far away...my eyes travel ahead of him... i find his mom's back...and realize he doesn't need to face the traffic at least...he will catch her...she has not looked back once yet...until she hears her child's call...i see the shock in her body as she jerks to a stop and turns...they are now together...

He doesn't need me...to help him...to comfort him...to return him...

My steps slow to a walk... and i look over at Bradley as i go back to standing where i always stand...
he is lucky my time is his...and i am lucky too... 

Post Script

Isn't it sad that brats spoil things for everyone else...

At the moment the junior primary children are not allowed to take a ball to school...
too many fights...too many moaning pupils...
"so and so took my ball and has not given it back..." they say over and over again...
Bradley is so saddened by this new rule...
so i allow him to take a ball and have a quick game before school...
the ball comes home with me...
that's what i was doing there for over 20 minutes on this cold grey morning...

#motherhood

Hello :)  and welcome back ...

Recently i went to a 'stork party'...I love stork parties :)

There were a couple of moments i just wanted to pull out my camera and throw myself into trying to capture that perfect photo...there was an adorable little girl of 2 at this party [for her cousin as yet not born...]

A mama 'in love' with her young child... just as all mamas should be...

a mama-to-be...with so much lying ahead... on this her journey... from novice to seasoned...

a granny of one...celebrating the baby still to come...   

This is what life is all about...

love...family...friends...celebrating life...

There was GOOD food and even better company...

gentle teasing and loud bursts of laughter...

hugs...kisses... and well wishes...

There were comments and advice and questions asked...

and

 as Bianca-Leigh and i sat with these friendly strangers... listening and watching...

  the conversations and stories flowed over us and wrapped around us...

 i found myself thinking how hard motherhood feels sometimes...

how hard 'mothering well' sometimes is...

and how... for all our differences...

 we mothers are so similar in our grand love for our babies...

The mother of the 2 year old is a 'working mommy'

as i have already mentioned she is besotted with her little girl...

she is a great mommy to that sweet little thing :)

and i mean to tell her what a good job she is doing when next we speak...
for i know that all mothers [working or not] need praise and encouragement...

There were conversations that made me think...

A nice lady asked me...

"so where do u work...?"

"I am a stay-at-home-mom..." i replied...
 the smile that started in my heart... reached my eyes...

because i like saying it...

it 'means 'something' to me...

it.  is. who. I. am.

"oh you are lucky...i couldn't afford to do that..." she said just making conversation...

i was quick to explain that... for me...

it isn't about being able to afford to do so...not really...

I mean... more money would be more than welcome in this household...and that's a fact...

Also that I have sacrificed many things to stay home and be there with my children...

to be there for my children...

 that it's what i wanted to do with my life...for them and for me...

and we agreed that there is no win-win in motherhood...

that you can't have it all in mothering...

that there are pros and cons in all things mother...
something has got to give...

This exchange got me thinking...

about the things i have never had and never will...

*There is no paycheck at the end of the month for a job well done...

and as a result I can't help supplement our income :(

*There are no promotions or pats on the back... 

*no fancy cars...*not fancy rings...*nor fancy clothes and shoes...will ever be mine...

*no career accomplishments or accolades...

*less knowledge is mine...so maybe less confidence too...

*sometimes i don't fit in 'the world' at all...
*i am soft...working women are tougher than I or so it seems...

*I just can't give my kids everything material that they want...saying no is so not fun!!!

yes...

There is no glory in being a stay-at-home-mom...

so that is something else i have given up...glory...

oh... but no...wait a minute...that's just not true...

There is a quiet, unseen, unheard kind of glory in being your child's 'favourite favourite'

in being able to be the 'hero' who rides in on the white horse to rescue the sick child from school...

and stand watch over them until by the grace of God... good health returns once more...

there is peace in not having to choose between my child and my job...

in having the time to not only 'listen' but really 'hear' when my children speak to me...

in not feeling torn...in not having to arrange my life around what my boss wants me to do as opposed to what my child needs me to do... there is a deep pride and joy in being able to teach them what they need to know about life myself...there is a sense of great accomplishment in knowing them inside out...their thoughts and feelings about things big and small...what hurts them and what heals them...

i am their confidant...and keeper of secrets...their champion...their sounding board...

and moral compass and i enjoy every moment...

You see for me doing what i do...

 goes so much deeper...it satisfies me...makes me happy...

for all i have given up...i have gained more than i have ever lost...i am not torn...
i am whole...we are whole...

i feel good...i have not a single regret...

i wouldn't have it any other way...

i have lived my dream...

my reward is a feeling...theirs and mine...

Brave Beautiful Butterfly...

The edge of day was wet and misty...a bleak grey start...

The colours were muted...dull greens lined the way...either side of me...

This road is a river...a river that takes me away...out of town...and her little car is my boat...

I sail away from her and towards my Boys...i am bringing them a hot drink on a cold day...

But as i listen to Justin [who else] on the radio...my mind is with her...knowing a tough day is waiting to unfold before her...many footsteps...hers...repeatedly the heavens will open...the sky will cry straight down onto her bright pink umbrella...she'll be dry and safe but still unsure and slightly uncomfortable...she does not handle change well....and for now change will be her constant companion...new places...new faces...strange eyes searching hers out...trying to figure her out...

brand new friendships will be born and take first breath...

What will she discover on this new chapter begun...?

Strengths she never knew she had...weaknesses too...fears...a few...

One thing is sure...knowledge will be hers from today onward...

the kind u find in books... and gain from people...and new experiences....

good and bad...

She will discover the truth...her truth...

not mine not his... hers...

And all the lessons i have tried to teach her throughout these....

 magical... slowly meandering speed of light years...?

EVERY SINGLE PRAYER I HAVE EVER whispered in the dead of night...spoken out loud with a smile on my lips or called out over her from deep within my trembling heart...prayers that i have forgotten all about...my God has heard and remembers them all ...every fight her and i have ever ALMOST had... every loving look and moments of understanding that have passed from me to her and back...these things have been readying her for this next chapter in her story...and will stand her in good stead... 

For i was there... from the very beginning...and only by the grace of God... i still am...

her time is now...like a butterfly bewildered after it's birth...she stands...

for a moment drying out those new wings...uncurling their beauty...catching her breath...

Be brave beautiful little butterfly

gently does it...time to show your unique wing design and splashes of colour...

hand painted there by the creator Himself...

You got this...

<3

Post Script

My daughter Bianca-Leigh has just started  University...fresh out of high school...she wants to become a teacher in the foundation phase [grade 0 through 3]...and finds the idea of being one of the very first people to impact a young mind in a positive way very exciting...

While we are lucky she is able to stay home with us during her studies...

 this is still a season of... 'everything all so brand new' and is a little overwhelming for her and for us...

She is still in a time of adjustment...and as for Edwin and I...we are both totally there for her...behind her every step of the way...still... all in for her...
while learning to 'let go'... little bit by precious little bit...

because that's what parents do...

silhouette

morning came too soon today...

i lay there on our bed ignoring it...my mind and body reluctant to face the dawn...
we sleep with one curtain half open... to let the light in...

i turned towards the window...lifting my head just a little...
i tried to see through sleep drugged eyes what the sky held written on the canvas of this day...
and it was grayness i saw splashed there...

just then my cat jumped up to lie in the spot where his feet had been only moments before...
she curled up to nap until with a careless but gentle flick he shakes the wrinkles out of the duvet...
and i was taken with how her darker than real time silhouette looked against the morning waiting behind the lace....
the mood of it...the feel of it...calm and drama in equal measure...
 and so too there was noise in the stillness of that image...
 and i would have fetched my camera...i longed to go...
but i knew she would follow me...
out of the room... down the passage and into the day...
and the moment would be gone...
the spell broken...

so i just lay there a moment longer... fully awake now...
looking at the way the curtain billowed into the room...
feeling the cool air play across my bare legs...
and i took the photo with my mind's eye instead...

Saved...

It all began with us as a family all choosing a word or words to live by for 2014...

a string of words or a singular word to focus us... either during the storm or when the waters are calm...

I chose Bradley's word...because he is a little on the young side...or maybe he would have surprised me...

who knows...however i decided on the word 'saved' because i had just recently bought him an armband  with that word on and explained it to him... and he was happy with his word...

Then as little kids do....he wore it for days and then took it off and moved on to wearing something else...

Bianca-Leigh started wearing Bradley's band...i replaced Bradley's.....and then Brandon asked why she had one and not him...so back i went and bought a third armband...

and my heart was SO full and SO happy

Both the big kids wear theirs everyday... which thrills me no end :)

Bradley wears his as the mood grabs him... for he is still young...and my work with him is still to come...

God is good

I couldn't have done it alone...

the keeping of my vows at the dedication of my young ones...

 a moment in my arms...

 and...

 forever in my heart...

#grateful 

#blessed

Post Script

*"do all things with love"...my words

*"consider the family"...Ed's words

*"involved"...Bianca-Leigh's word

*"focus"...Brandon's word

*"saved"...Bradley's word

but in reality 'saved' is actually OUR word...each and every one of us

Planes...Trains...Ships...and Vans... oh and Busses too...part 3

Hi and welcome back :)
...back to our 2008 holiday...

Next we boarded what was then one of 2 cruise ships with the grand title of 'Largest in the World'...

Royal Caribbean's 'Freedom of the Seas'...

passengers : 3600
crew : 1300
160 000 tons
15 Decks



Once again this 'boarding' was an exercise in HECTIC...
due to small kids...pensioners...a pram and  a car-seat
but it was oh so exciting too...

Were we in for a treat!!!
EVERYTHING about the Freedom was magnificent... there is no other word for it...
our state-room...the food...the entertainment...the decor...the service...all A+
Her maiden voyage was in 2006...  and so she was in pristine condition inside and out...and has since been refurbished in 2011.


What people who are not familiar with cruising need to understand is that it's a floating hotel resort holiday...
with stunning views that are ever changing...food for my soul...
and it's exactly the kind of holiday you want...you can do as much or as little as you wish...
lie around reading from sunrise till sunset or keep busy...VERY BUSY... you will NEVER get through all this ship has to offer...there is just no way... she has something for everyone...
what more could one ask for or need or want...NOTHING...

Cruising is THE IDEAL holiday for families ... and i do mean kids of all ages...
take it from me...i have been on one cruise before we had babies...
and five since...one while 7 weeks pregnant with Brandon which was when Bianca-Leigh was 2 years old...
and Bradley was 18 months when we sailed on the Freedom...to sum it up i have been cruising with toddlers...tweens...teens...and with morning-sickness...i have done it all...with a smile on my face!!!
But then it must be said...i have a totally awesome husband...who i can totally count on for help...


I will let the photos tell some of the story...

a view from one of the many lounges...

plenty of stairs...but also ample and very efficient lift services...

and a all round safe environment...to relax and have tons of fun in :)  

she dwarfs another ship... that sticking out bit is the Jacuzzi...it was huge and was situated either side of the Freedom...in a section of pools where no children were allowed...and Edwin and i stole just a few moments to go sit and relax in the warm waters overhanging the ocean...COOL   

the main dining-room could be accessed from 3 decks...

there was also plenty of more casual eating places with food of a very high standard...

 and loads of stunning variety...   

I enjoy the sea breeze on our private balcony...

where there were 2 chairs and a little table...

behind Bradley is his pram...

and the glass doors lead into our state-room...

which slept all five of us very comfortably.

smile :)

Bianca-Leigh is like a second mom to Bradley...

and there hidden behind them is that car-seat we lugged halfway across the world...

it was a must ... a bothersome must :)

just like his indispensable stroller... 

sleep :)

walk...

Brandon and Bradley take a stroll out on deck just as the sun is about to set...

it doesn't get better than this people :)

beautiful :)

she watches over him in the baby pool...

a stranger kindly offers to take a photo of us...

Brandon was off having fun away from us at the time :(

the AWESOME H2O ZONE

super cool fun for kids

this ship is so big...that at no point do you feel cramped...and the cruise was fully booked...

this deck was the 'Promenade deck'...

it ran the length of the ship just about...and it felt like a mall...

with shops and eating places...like we needed any more eating places...

one thing i will admit again...is that my obsession with photography had not come to full strength yet...

in fact i do believe i hardly shot any photos...this holiday would have been documented VERY differently if i were to go right now...but i had Bradley very much 'on-my-hands' 'on my mind' and 'on my heart'...

so the photos are not great but ok...they do tell the story :)

the kiddie pool was warm water and only that deep...

with very very strict hygiene rule that were enforced...  

he loved it :)

holidaying is hard work Mommy...

at every turn there was something cool to be discovered on this ship...

Bradley started walking early like at 9 months [all my kids did]

so on this holiday he was truly 'walking strong'...

and it caused people to get excited at seeing this tiny human on this big adventure...

and they would try to talk to him or approach him and he would totally freak-out and not in a shy way...

lol he had a good case of 'stranger anxiety' 

one of the things i was worried about when we were planning this holiday was what Bradley 

would eat...i was still breastfeeding him...but he clearly needed more than that...

all passengers eat REALLY WELL on a ship... and Bradley was no exception...

it was on this holiday that i realized just how much he loves to eat fruit...

he basically lived on it...that and some dry cereals...cold meats...soups...and salads...

here he is eating chunks of salmon in one of the more casual dining areas...

and LOVING IT :) 

the pools were all lit up at night...lovely hey...

to take this photo i put down our video camera on a deck chair...

we took a few shots and walked off leaving the camera lying there...

it was with great distress that we South Africans remembered what was forgotten and

practically ran back sure it would no longer be there...all our precious holiday memories lost forever...

how wrong we were...

i don't think that would have happened here in SA...sadly

this was the area where no kids were allowed...not even to walk through...

i thought that was  a bit much...but there was so much for kids to do that it didn't present a problem at all...

each day when you got into the lift for the first time you were greeted by the day of the week...

very helpful and a cute idea :)

an ice-rink at sea...a firm favourite with Brandon :)

other things to do...

the theater where various shows and performances took place day and night...

the wave-rider...where you could learn to surf...

the totally decked-out games arcade...

disco for underage teens...

art gallery

daycare for the little kids...we didn't use this...

rock-climbing wall...

basket ball court...

golf simulator...

shuffle-board games...

ping-pong tables...

and probably a few activities i have forgotten about....or don't know about...

Our destinations were interesting to say the least...but life on board is what it's all about for me :)

you only get to see a little slice of life on land and that's enough...

*I didn't go onto Grand Cayman...i needed a break from travelling with kids... so i kept my kids with me and skipped the travelling... we spent a peaceful day at the H2OZone...resting in the shade...

and playing in the pools :) bliss...

*The island of Labadee [Haiti] was the first swim in the sea for Bradley EVER...not too shabby hey :)

I think this shot is amazing because in the forefront we have Brandon and in the background we have

the Freedom :) cool ...

*Ocho Rios [Jamaica] didn't impress me...not even one tiny little bit...

*Cozumel [Mexico] was nice enough...  

the larger Freedom is on the left...BIG hey :)

me and the kids :)

we were in a shop looking around...warning the kids not to touch and break anything...

trust Brandon to do this lol but i had to quickly take a shot :)

then this happened ... too cute :)

my little LoveBug...

and then it was all heart breakingly... over... 

and we were back to traveling with kids...pensioners...the stroller and car seat...

It was time to catch a bus...

my Dad is walking behind me and you can just see Edwin's late Dad sitting there on that bench...

that's us on the bus...on our way...

to pick up our van for our journey to Orlando Florida...

to that magical place...Disney World...

one last look back...

it was a sad moment to see our ship and know we were leaving her...

Bianca-Leigh actually refused to disembark...her feet remained planted at the very point you cross over from the ship onto 'land' and she looked up at me and said..."I'll get off if you promise me we'll come back again one day..." and she meant it and i do so hope i'll be able to keep my word to her...with all my heart actually :) 

and then i looked forward...

eyes facing forward watching the road that would take us forward...

 onward to Orlando....and the magic...

Bits and Bobs...

*the Freedom now ranks 4th in the world of Largest Cruise Ships...
*the chocolate-chip-cookies on the ship were large enough to feed a family of 5 :)
*my Dad drank iced-tea from the self-service drinks station for days...thinking that the Coke in the US was watered down and flat...
*the bathroom in our state-room had a malfunction on the formal evening of all nights...and although it was promptly sorted out...the kids and i had to use my Mom's bathroom to shower...
*we had a few funny moments of getting lost and Brandon thinking he knew his way around better than us...not...
*the lifeboat drill is taken VERY seriously and was rather difficult for me with Bradley...i had to wear the life-jacket and couldn't hold Bradley easily and he was a little freaked out by the goings on...
*my Mom got lost and sat down on the stairs a had a good cry...
*we ate and ate and ate...so good...
*i had to feed Bradley in my evening dresses in the bathrooms...fun...not...but that's breastfeeding for you hey :)
*my late father-in-law won money in the Casino ... enough to almost cover the cost of their cruise...
*lastly i just want to mention that...travelling...hormones...kids...pensioners...strollers...car-seats...luggage watching, carrying, pulling...packing...unpacking...taxi rides...hotels...fire-drills...tours...boarding ships...and so on... can really make the most sane person a little loopy ...on our first night on the ship...Bradley had a meltdown and was crying and crying...inconsolably ...it was more than a little scary for this mommy and i convinced myself that he might be seriously ill...off we rushed to see the ship's doctor ... and on our 'little' walk to find the doctor Bradley stopped crying and i calmed down and left the doctor in peace :) this was the only episode of this kind for the whole holiday thankfully :)
*and so much more happened...what an epic adventure for us intrepid travelers :)


coming soon...
our time in Orlando Florida