What do you see...?

What do you see...?

weeds

 or

 wishes...

A wind tossed salad...

Today was quite the opposite of yesterday's decadent 'slice of summer'

Yes today we are served up a generous helping of mess...

  

A cheeky wind has arrived...
and blown the sun clear out the sky :(
 leaving dusty whirlwinds as she went by...

 The afternoon has unfolded...
 clouds have been piled up high...
like Autumn leaves i passed...

Fetching the kids from school was interesting though...
I watched as the wind rolled through this town...
giving the trees a good shake...
to see what falls down...

Leaves rained down...yellow and brown...
where before they 'floated'...they now 'fell'...
thick and fast...

They were a-scurrying...a-hurrying...
turning...and churning...this way...then that...
a wind tossed salad...
the drama of the skies...
 now on the ground...

I enjoyed the show...
 and one thing i know...
only leaves not yet ready to fall...
are still on those branches...
waiting their turn...

xxx


Foot Note
I am really not sure why this kind of thing excites me...
I just find it beautiful to watch the changes of the seasons...
I have decided i am quite a 'visual' person...


*these shots were not taken today...

If this is Autumn...

If this is late Autumn...I can deal :)

WHAT a stunningly glorious day today was...

A golden slice of Summer if you ask me :)

The weather has cooled...

We can't help but notice...

The coolness of mornings...
The chill of the night...
They have begun to tell her story...

Today we had a braai [BBQ]

I went outside dressed to meet Autumn face to face...

and found Summer lingering in her place...

I sat where i always sit...

and soon i was too hot...

One by one ...

we all disappeared...

only to reappear...

 cooler...lighter...
free...

It's  funny really...

there we were...

All feet...

some bare...

some in socks...
All legs...

long...
medium...
short...
bare...

the prickly ones...

hers and mine...

Longs on top...
shorts on bottoms...

I did not run for my camera this time...

lol

I walked...

Because taking a photo...
that's a must :)

How delicious it feels to have bare legs...

after weeks of longs...day and night...

to feel the breeze brushing past...

a caress...

and the sun's warmth...

 a hug...

the ones i love near...

I sat where i always sit...

my spot...

Bradley full of life...

came and went...

and sat by me...

and talked to me...

like we were all alone...

I took a moment...
to breathe in deeply the sunshine of the day...

to soak it up...
every last drop...
and felt it light up the dark in me...

I was called back to the here and now...

Bradley standing in front of me...

a blur of...

moving...

speaking...

asking...

saying...

"Mommy, concentrate on me...

concentrate on me... Mommy"

I glanced his way...

my eyes

 took him in...

my heart did too...

A cute kid...6 years old still...

a real little boy...

i love his hair...

so shiny and smooth...

 chocolate brown eyes...

framed by long lashes...

the cutest little nose...

his flushed cheeks...

[since yesterday he is learning to ride his bike...

 without the training wheels...

giving it yet another bash...

and winning this time...]

I do not really hear what it is he want me to tell me...

i just pull him into me...

his skin is warm under my hands...

his t-shirt is off [again]

a sun-warmed little boy...
the best kind :)

he does not resit my embrace...

i place several quick loud kisses in his neck...

we hug...fleetingly...

And off he goes again...

SO much to do...

"Watch me Mommy...look here...did you see...?"   

xxx

How this blog got it's name :)

Hey All :)

One of the things i enjoy most about bloggers are the wonderful names they go with for their blogs...

for example here are a few that i follow...
Seeking Sanity

Raising Humans

The Lovely Words...
Bare Tribe
 A Soft and Gentle Voice
Living the Dream
Toddler Summer
Hollywood Housewife

and my personal favorite name for a blog...
the one i WISH i had thought of...

Inking My Heart...
i assume as in ... 'writing' my heart...which is what i do...
simply beautiful :)

Not sure i'll ever get to read the stories behind these names...
but feel free to do a post on it if u like :)

This is my blog-name-story...


For a while i just had GotMyShot...my photo challenge blog...
and i really did and still do enjoy it :)

Somehow or another i came to know about personal blogs...
and as i was going through a tough time at that stage...
[Bradley's last few weeks in Nursery school and all....]

I decided to start my own...because i just had to find an outlet for my feelings...
and it works...

As i have grown older i have realized that when someone or something...
REALLY upsets me...
 makes me sad...
angry...
unhappy...
i absolutely have to...
 'get it out'...

out of my heart...
out of my blood...
out of my head...
out of my mouth...

to have any kind of peace...

if i am unable to take this action for whatever reason...
i can't seem to let go of 'it'...that which is causing me grief...
or the 'grief' itself...
it kinda swirls around in my blood like a poison...
becoming more and more concentrated...
poisoning me...
if it's a person...my self protection mechanism is to distance myself emotionally...

sorry but that's the truth...
how much distance is depends on...
 how much u mean to me...
or
just how much u have hurt me...

It's not an action i take under this roof however...
here...
 in these walls...
walls that hold and shelter all that we r as a family...
walls that have been silent witness to our successes as a family...
and our failures...
 i speak my mind...loud and clear...
and u had better listen to my mind...
I ALSO LISTEN
and learn...
i want u to 'talk back'...
my children have never been...
of the
'seen and... not heard'
variety :)
i do not believe in that !
my children have always had a voice...theirs !

Have u ever noticed ... i ramble...get off topic...
lol

 I am not the most creative woman on the face of this earth :)
and so i turned to music for inspiration...
i often do...

I can remember being very 'taken' with this song at the time...
for various reasons...
I felt it somehow told the story of my blossoming love-affair...
with my camera...
with pausing precious moments in time...forever...
with the thrill of getting my best shot of...whatever... i was shooting that day...that week...
photography made me feel happy and alive at a sad time...
it saved me...gave my life new meaning...

it became a bridge i used to cross over troubled waters...
from...
 one side of the riverbank...being able to have another baby...
to
 the other side...not being able to...

How much i love my camera took me by surprise...
the power of it...
even now...i just can't seem to help myself...
sometimes i'm just lazy or busy...
and something will catch my eye...
and that's me done...
i'll drop everything and run for my camera :)

I named my blog after this verse in this song...

"I threw a wish in the well...
Don't ask me ... i'll never tell...
I looked to you as it fell...
and now you're...
IN MY WAY..."

Carly Rae Jepsen's
Call Me Maybe

Because no matter what...

my love for photography... is just something i can't get around

it's...

 in my way...

on my path...

everywhere i look...

it will not...

 be ignored...

and i wouldn't have it any other way :)

  

Today I...

Today i...
 went to the satellite university campus in our town...
while there...

i wondered where i was going...

asked for directions twice...

got there...

watched students...

realized that uni is just an extension of school

[only in civies]

wondered where the ducks are...

[there is a road sign with a duck on it... by the water]

was surprised at the rambling size of the place...

found what i was looking for...

walked in what felt like a maze...

handed in forms...

handed over money...
was given a receipt...
retraced my steps...
walked back to her car...

discovered i had not locked Bianca-Leigh's little car...

checked that nothing had been removed...

found 'it' all to still be there... 

felt like i could picture her and her little car there...

got quite lost...

drove around trying to get un-lost...
found my way...
put it all in God's hands...


Today i handed in her application form to study at UNIVERSITY...
[and perhaps...]
Today i opened a new volume in the library of her life...

<3

My Crazy Mother's Day at the Bieber Concert :)

Approximately 10 months ago our journey began...
Bianca-Leigh got wind of rumors that
 Justin Bieber MAY  be including SA in his Believe Tour destinations...

He [Justin] confirmed the rumors via Twitter himself...
and we freaked out...
Bianca was SUPER excited...
I was SUPER worried...

On December 10th it was time to TRY to secure those all important tickets...

Golden Circle Tickets...no less :o

'Lady Luck'... smiled... and soon it was a done deal...

And the long wait began...

The tickets were put away in the safe...
like the precious treasures that they were...

and life went on...

but

not as usual...

We now had this most important date circled on the calendar of our life...

And i can tell u it has featured in our...

 thoughts...conversations and even dreams...

every day since...

in big ways and small ways...

and as time drew nearer...our epic adventure loomed large...

her excitement doubled...

mine halved...

Truly...

Bianca-Leigh's joy never faded...

mine was all over the page...
She was filled with wonder...
and I was left wonder[ing]

 Feeling weighed down by...

fear...

it was just her and i...
all alone...
 in a sea of 94 thousand Beliebers wracked by Bieber Fever...yikes !

logistics...

we live an hour away from the Soccer City stadium...

reservations...

we had planned to overnight at Gold Reef City, but came to hear of a 'park and ride bus'...

that would take us and bring us back at a fraction of the cost of sleeping over...

and the hubby thought...
*great*
...i thought...
 *not so great*
 and then later
 *well it's not great but it's probably ok*...

...Bianca-Leigh thought...

*HELL NO NEVER EVER*...

there were numerous 'talks' and liters of tears...
all of this was a little surprising to say the least...

she is usually very reasonable,logical,understanding and sensible...totally unselfish...

and then... realization dawned ...
 i was beginning to understand JUST how much this really means to her...

and so the said reservations were...
 not cancelled...

somehow the sleeping over...prolonged... the dream for her...

 and we all need a dream right :)

location...

Golden Circle is great but...once you're 'in'...you're 'in' for the duration...
u ain't going nowhere ...FOR HOURS!!!! 

time...

Bianca wanted to arrive at the stadium in the early morning...me... NOT SO MUCH...!

can u imagine standing round waiting for around  12 hours...

*OH MY WORD*

the weather...

i ALWAYS worry about the weather...i like the sun to shine on important life events...

but it's really important this time ... it's almost winter here now...so it's cold...

and 'it' has been known to rain on Mother's Day...not often...but it could happen...

and Golden Circle is out in the open...!

So as u can imagine...

the flame of my joy was flickering wildly... like a candle in the wind... 

And hers was steady... brightly burning :)

That is our journey so far...
the rest is still unwritten...

The count down clock on her iPod,
 which has been 'counting' since our tickets were bought way back in December
stands at...

exactly :)

these Beliebers don't mess around...lol

The weather is overcast with rain...

#OhBoy

...To Be Continued...

***


...On the Flip Side...

Tue 14 May...
 24 hours + post  #BelieveTourConcert


Hi :)

Let's take a look at the wording i used...
 to describe what i thought lay ahead for my daughter and i on Mother's Day...

"Our Epic Adventure..."
Our... 'us'...
Epic... 'of unusually great size or extent, usually centered upon a hero'...

Adventure... 'a bold, usually risky undertaking, a hazardous action of uncertain outcome'...

DAMN
 I'm good !!
 :)

Our morning began early with coffee in the parlor...
followed by getting ready...

our concert shoes :)

just couldn't resist snapping this shot :)

last minute packing...

our map...

what poor Google thought about all the fuss...

excitement and trepidation...in equal measure...
 and we were on our way...


breakfast at McDonald's...
near the stadium..

and so...
our epic adventure begins...

Our beautiful 'Soccer City'

never thought i would ever go there for real :)

 9:30am...

 waiting for a concert that would end at 9pm 

**THE THINGS WE'LL DO FOR OUR KIDS**

As u can see the sun shone...

i actually rejoiced a few time she slipped behind a cloud or two lol...

we sat like this until about 12pm...

when 'they' started the long process of letting us onto the stadium grounds...

in stages they 'fed' us through a series of 'holding pens'...yes like sheep :)

they TOTALLY lost control of the crowd all of whom had a serious case of BIEBER FEVER...

Bianca-Leigh and i did have a couple of scary moments...!

have u ever been in a stampede...? this was our first...yikes!

thankfully no one 'went down'...because if u loose your footing ...

Trouble with a capital T...

It's CRAZY...

u get caught up in the surge of the crowd...

not only against your will... but also in accordance with your will...

everyone wanting to secure the best possible spot in the Golden Circle...

Yes i RAN with my daughter....

 like Justin himself was standing waiting for us *giggle*

i 'laugh out loud' as i remember :)

i can't stop smiling...

It was...

 so funny...

so absurd...

so real...

so surreal...

 so scary...

so awesome...

After the 'mad dash' of the Beliebers...

Bianca-Leigh turned to me and said that she was glad i was there with her...

that she wouldn't have wanted to go through 'that' alone...

I too gave thanks that i was there to 'keep her safe'...

this stage took about 2 and a half more hours...

 stand...surge forward...wait....stand...surge...wait...stand...surge...wait...

RUN

chaos all around her and i...

...in the eye of the storm...

Then into the last 'holding pen'...

 for another 2 long uncomfortable hours...

sitting baking in the sun...

 on the cold rough paving...

bum sore...

joints sore...

stiff...

tired...

bored...

hot...

It was a loooong day...!

We were informed that we would be 'escorted' into the GC...

Happy News ...indeed...!

As we had a alarming amount of stairs to climb...

[i overheard other worried/shaken people comment that...

'today people would die on those stairs...']

  

The 'escort' worked...ONLY JUST...!

u could see and feel the tension and excitement...

it was a living ... breathing ... thing...

moving along with us...moving us...!

as...we were led towards and up the stairs...

fans struggled to follow the NO running rule...

have u ever tried not to run when every instinct u have is screaming RUN !

even we would break into a run-walk stride....

 and then rein it in...

 only for it to...

 bubble right back up the the surface...

A strange mixture of emotions...

 RACING... where your feet HAD to walk...

fear...

joy...

competitiveness... 

commonsense...

wild abandon...

caution...

Up those stair...

turning right...

 push-pulling through the walls of the stadium...

cell phones being dropped and left lying at the feet of strangers...

as the living breathing wave of humans moved as one...

warnings of 'stairs ahead'... don't fall!!!! ricocheting ...

girls screaming...cheering...loosing their minds...

 a sharp left...down the stairs and suddenly...

over and out...

there we were at the top of yet more stairs...

looking down from about halfway up...

with the stadium lying spread out at our feet...

beautiful...

i turned to Bianca-Leigh and said...

'take a moment...look around... take it all in...we are finally here...'

as our harried progress continued down.down.down...

 and into the Golden Circle...

4:30pm

Where we broke into another polite well behaved little walk-jog-run...

we found our spot :)

and for the rest of the night... roughly 5 hours 

i had to FIGHT to keep it...

almost impossible...

with people fainting...and having to... 'give them room for air'...

 'make way...for security'... moments...

the squirming of sad humans with not many manners or much integrity...

worming their way past others to better their view...

their ugliness was on show too that night...

 along with the RockStars and the real stars...

and it was a bitter pill for me to swallow...

 I managed to stand my ground...

and just before Justin appeared on stage i was happy to be able to 

give my 'better' spot to Bianca...so she could live her dream...

I did it ALL for her...

It was only ever...always... all for her :)

Lessons Learned...

1) That i am tougher than i thought...

2) That at 'fat and forty'... i can still keep up physically with teenagers...

3) That there is really nothing i'll not do for my kids...

4) That i enjoyed the challenge...or rather the feeling of 'getting through it'...

5)  That i can't stand people who push and shove their way to the top...

6) That teenagers need adult supervision esp in that type of setting...

7) That some parents 'let go' too soon AND IT SHOWS !!!

8) That Justin Bieber is REALLY gorgeous...

9)  That Justin has an 'outie' bellybutton ... yes i looked :) 

10) That even though my 3 'men' had a good time alone together at Gold Reef...

they said over and over that...

 'there was just something missing'

 and that 'something' was us... 

:)

Post Script...

Bianca-Leigh thanked us so beautifully...it brought tears to my eyes..   

and that's ...

Our Epic Adventure :)

  

A Mess and a Miracle...

Mother's Day is very special to me, I am ALL ABOUT being a mom :)

It's my life's work...i dreamed it. i chose it. i live it. i love it...!

If you were to ask me to describe the world of mothering...
the motherHOOD in 2 words i would have to say...

Bitter-Sweet

Sums it up perfectly...don't you think...?!

God knew that there would have to be enough 'sweet' to get a mama through the 'bitter'

and so there is....!

Mothers are...
 nurturing.fearless.warriors.
amazingly.beautifully.human.
 awesome.strong.weak.
encouragers.discouragers.
firm.yielding.
bendable.breakable.
love indestructible.
harsh.gentle.cross.forgiving.
humble.
.imperfect.perfect.

all rolled into one...
A MESS and A MIRACLE
all at once...

Mother's Day...?
  it's a day meant to celebrate me...as a mother...
no
 for me - it's a day... I AM CELEBRATING
being a mother :)


My Mother's Day Prayer
Thank You Lord for blessing... ME... with this bitter-SWEET journey of motherhood...
I pray that You will always find me to be worthy of it...
Knowing that You are there every... baby-step...teenage-step...all-grown-up-step...
of this journey...theirs and mine...
for they belonged to You Heavenly Father long before they were entrusted into my care...
amen
Soli Deo gloria
[glory to God alone]

And now as I once again see Mother's Day on the horizon of my life...
i'll celebrate,
 be grateful,
give thanks,
savor it,
 not waste a single moment...

For time with my 'brood' is fleeting...
like sands through the hourglass...
'it' slips through my greedy fingers...
'it' will.not.wait. for this mommy...
and
i. will. not.  be left behind...
so...
all that's left to do...is go with the flow...
i am the 'sand surfer' of the hourglass...
They call me Mommy

*photo courtesy of Google

Hand Holding...

After all this time my husband and i still hold hands...

and even now [we've been together for 25 years] it still feels special...right :)

Walking in the mall today...alone...kids at home...

i was enjoying our time together...just walking...talking...holding hands...

I noticed others doing the same...

an 'older' couple...

a few moms and their little ones...

And i wondered at what it means to 'hold hands'

the deeper meaning...

Apart from the obvious...

'Come........here...this way...with me...'

it also and more importantly means...

'We belong to each other...'
'You are mine...'

'You are safe with me...'
'I choose you...above all others...'
'Let's go there together...'
'I'll keep you safe...'
'I'll lead the way...'
'I'll follow you anywhere...'
'I am not ashamed of you...of us...'
'Don't be afraid...'
'Here I am...'
'I'll help you...'
'You are not alone...'
'I don't want to break contact...'
'I like you...'
'I love you...'

Hand holding is beautiful thing !
a simple act... that speaks volumes...

In fact physical contact with the ones we love is truly delightful :)

Like when Bradley reaches for my hand as we walk to his classroom every morning,
 and the way he stands super close to me... for comfort... and warmth now that it's cooler :)
He is... 'still my Baby'...so 'it's' easy... natural :)
Like when Brandon who is 14 and head and shoulders taller than me now,
puts his arm around me in the shops as we walk out to the car :)
That's a moment i think...i AM doing it right.!..this mothering thing...
Like when Bianca-Leigh leans in and puts her head on my shoulder for some comfort...or...
when she comes to give me a tight hug when she knows i am upset and need one :)
Best hugs in the world...the ones you get when you most need them...
 the ones you get without having to ask...!
  <3<3<3


Never underestimate the power of touch...

^^^

This week i touched the blackness...

This week i stood...

  i always stand...

 Feet anchored in my life...

In long cool grass...

where dewdrops wink...and...

 sun beams bounced around...

A gentle breeze played with my hair...

my skirts...arose and fell...

i heard a bird...some bees as well... 

 smelled perfume on the wind...

My hands lifted slowly...

rising far above my head...

my fingertips made first contact...

Dread seeped from every pore...

I stood like that all the week...

stretched out...

 between the two...

This week i touched the blackness...

 feet anchored in my life...