Brandon a thunderstorm...Bradley a squall...

It's our Winter break here in sunny SA...
3 weeks of sleeping in and sitting in the sun to warm up...
with nothing more pressing to do than relax...

I spent the first two days of it with my two boys...
Bianca-Leigh is at 'Winter School'...poor thing...
and what i can tell you without a shadow of a doubt is that...

Boys are overachievers...
 at noise making...
that...
and moving...


Their talents range from...

 loud music...
 to rapping out a tune on his desk... the dashboard...the kitchen counter...
 and on to raised voices as they vie for my ear...
even Brandon is still guilty...
all the while...Bradley...will not be left in the shade...
He pours out noisy rainbows...in the form of...
Lego's... dinky-toy cars... and well used blocks...
Beating out 'his song' from deep within his little boy body...
letting it vibrate through the air...
setting it free...giving it life...
with
 nothing more - nothing less...
 than thick wooden paintbrushes...and pots and pans...
precious talking...
 A LOT of talking...
again they compete...
tears come in and go out... like the tides...
on this beach of our lives...
Tv too loud...games too loud...
turn it down !
Movement profound...
boys... will be boys...
they
stamp...jump...bounce...roll...climb...spin...clap...
skid...tap...bang...drop...
slip and slide through their day...
...and mine...

Yep...
they are each his own type of storm...
Brandon a thunderstorm...Bradley a squall...
i am weathered...
still
totally blessed :)

<3<3

'Who we really are...'

Today was a good day...no a GREAT day in my life...

Today i was paid...

 THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT...

EVER

by my... almost 15 year old son...my loving boy with green eyes like mine...
who worries too much...and thinks too much...
a 'deep soul' of a boy.

Unexpectedly...
 out of his own mouth... these words...

'I would say...'

he pauses to find the right words and i love it when he does this...

my reaction is usually one of focused attention...
i have developed a sixth-sense when talking with my kids...and at moments like this...

I. hang. on. every. word...

everything else just... stops...

But not today...
today...
i am unfocused... 

until he finished his sentence that is...

'I would say...u have preserved us...to be the most true to who we really are...'

At his words... my heart sings...joy for blood in my veins...

The 'us' he means are himself and his sister...

and he is referring to being taught... the rights and wrongs of  life...
when all the 'world' wants... is to corrupt them...

  to choose to do...
 right OVER wrong...

With
 'Who we really are...'
he means
the child God created...

If it is as he says...

and

i have PRESERVED them...

my MOST precious blessings...

the ones that i...

pray for...

think of...

worry about...

look after...

listen to...

talk to...

feel proud of...

have empathy for...
spend time with...
reprimand...
caution...

teach...

scold...

cherish...

enjoy...

help...

hug...

touch...

then i have

 done.
 my.
job.
well...!

...and the Lord must have smiled...

  

Half-asleep-sleep...

Last night....well no actually it was this morning 3am-ish...

I was wide awake...Bradley had called out for me...and i had gone to settle him...

After a quick check that all was well with the rest of the household ... my still warm bed welcomed me back...

The house was dark and quiet as the night...
cold too...but i was not...

 I waited for sleep to come and claim me...

to tug at me... and gently pull me under...
it. did. not.

So i did what i usually do at times like this...

i talk to God...

I talked a lot... 

And I was no closer to sleep...

Then a funny thing happened...

and it's not the first time either...

I started to write my next blog... in my mind...
word for word...

and it was a good one :)

Two or three ideas for new posts came rolling through my mind like mist...

In time i became annoyed...

there i was lying...

the edge of morning almost visible... 

that place where the light pushes back against the dark...
and whispers 'It's my turn now...'

 my brain just wouldn't switch off...

I must have eventually drifted off...

but it was the type of slumber that is incomplete...

impossibly light...almost only half asleep sleep...
...pretend sleep...

not the deep peaceful oblivion of earlier...
before Bradley ...needed me...

and i went to him...

<3   

If Life Is A Stage...

 She stands...in half-light...waiting in the wings... 

this is not a dress rehearsal...

her stage makeup is...
 minimal...
 flawless...

her hair hangs soft...
 loose and wavy down her back...

the air moves past her...
 taking with it a strand of hair to caress her smooth cheek...

the chiffon of her dress flutters and floats...briefly...
 like a sigh...

The air is cool and still once more...
 the heat of the spotlight on stage...warms her skin...

the other dancers have kicked up some dust...

which now swirls around on currents...
dancing through light beams... like glitter...

childhood 'dust fairies'...come alive...

As the light begins it's shallow search of the shadows...
the sequins on her gown blink shyly...
with each wink they seem to say...
'here i am...'
'i am here...'

The bright circle that pushes the dark away as it moves...
comes to  rest on the floorboards just a breath away from her dancing shoes...
their very tips are softly lit...
they are a shiny silver...

The music starts...
She goes up on her toes...
takes a deep breath...
butterflies in her tummy...

And i recall...
 butterfly kisses...between her and i...
 only moments ago on this sweet journey...

As the music swells...filling that space...
she steadies herself...
breathes out those butterflies...
setting them free...

She owns that feeling...

To be...ANYTHING...
and everything...
The world is but her stage...

Note upon note will become layers to her fragrance...

But her essence will remain...

she's young...she's becoming...she's free...
her name is

Bianca-Leigh

Foot Note
For Bianca-Leigh on her 18th birthday...
Still love you as much as all the stars in the night sky...
and then some <3

#JustGettingStarted

Sharing a Flask of Coffee in the Bush...

There is a photo that i am after...but with a sore heart :)
It's one i have taken with my eyes...
and i love it so..!

This past Saturday morning i decided to go...
 chase my shot :)

I woke my dear family up at around 6:30 with a quick
'come on get up...get dressed we are leaving in 10...'
there were a few moans and groans...from the teens...
it's winter here now and sleeping in on the weekend is lekker [lovely]
But they all came...bless them :)

this family...
we do...
 together...

Some were dressed... other not so much...lol
The flask of coffee i made was hot...sweet...and didn't have enough milk in...
but it tasted GOOD anyway :)

My plan was to drive past the way i ride to school in the mornings...
if i was really lucky ... they would be there...

they weren't :(
i was sad...
it didn't last...

We decided to see if the park gate keepers were already there...

i was real doubtful...
and then...
happily surprised...

Not only were they there... they were open...
Yay !

In we drove...all excited and set for a early morning adventure...

I now knew that i would not get the shot i was chasing...
but that...
 there would be others today...
and
i would try again another day...
i'll get my shot...
i will...


We drove around slowly for more than an hour...
it was glorious ...
early morning in the 'bush'...
 without really being in the bush and minus the danger...
I took stax of photos...
and won the kids over with...

 animal watching and hot... sweet... flask-coffee...

Why just this afternoon...
 as we headed home after fetching my littlest son from school...
BOTH the big kids [who were not all that keen at the start]
 commented that...
we WILL  go back...and take a picnic too...


This is how the day began...
just on the edge of dawn...
i stood on a bridge in cold morning air...
 to capture a moment...

This shot was a gift...
we were so close...about 2 to 3 meters...

Hot and sweet...

Edwin let Bradley steer for a little while...
Bradley LOVED that :)

This photo intrigues me...
all the different tracks...
bird...buck...human and car...
all on...this soft dirt road that flows like river of sand through their habitat...

Just keep walking...just keep walking...

one foot in front of the other...

until you find what your soul is searching for...

For more of what we saw go to http://gotmyshot.blogspot.com/

Walk with me down Memory Lane :)

Looking on the bright side...... because it's ALL too easy not to... 

Heard a song on the radio today...

and it took me back...

luv how music has that power !

What an exciting time to be living in South Africa...

We [our family] do not really follow sports...much...

But you could not help but be swept up and away...

 by the feelings hosting the soccer world cup conjured up in one and all...

It united us :)

It was thrilling to ride down the road and see THE world's flags...

fluttering bravely in the winds of change...

flying proudly under our bright African sun...

and listening in on my kids in the back seat naming those flags...

in a word...
...awesome...

Because i still wonder...

Elsewhere...
 in the mothering moments i share in this space...where my heart gets formed into words...

i have told you that being a mother is all i have ever wanted to be...

 It's the truth...

love at it's purest...

ecstasy & agony...

I have been told i am a 'natural mother'...
i liked that  :)

And... i can explain...
It doesn't mean...that i am the best at it...
it means that i don't 'fight it'...i embrace it...
that's all...
that's my story and i am sticking to it :)
because it's the truth - my truth !

The owner at the 'Cardies Shop' in the Mall...

once told me ... that when she had kids she hoped she would be as good at mothering as me...

i was blown away to be honest...when i asked her what she meant...

she said that i was an excellent mother...

right about here i want to mention that i 'don't know her from a bar of soap'...

[what does that mean anyway...? why do we say that...?...what does soap have to do with anything!]

She must have seen my confusion...and elaborated that she saw many people come through the store...

and me and my kids were different...

I felt REALLY flattered...i mean tell this mama that her kids are great and she glows...
well that's how it feels anyway :)

But i left the shop...feeling... oh what's the word...?
confused...amused...surprised...puzzled...
all of these & none of them...

I just wanted to know...
WHAT WAS IT THAT SHE SAW...?
to make her say something so... to my mind... outrageous...

Then again recently...
I took Bradley to a birthday party...
another mommy party-goer....well she did it to me again...
put me in that place of puzzlement...[in a good way...like before]

We were only 10 minutes in...when she turned to me and asked...
whether i had ever considered homeschooling...i said no...that it wasn't for me...
and she remarked that it was a pity...because i was 'a natural'...
Another compliment :)
but again i was surprised and puzzled...
What had i done...?
What had she seen...?


I was just being me...
no pretense here...


I am sure we can all agree...compliments are lovely...
like when someone tells me i take nice photos...
the feeling i get is .... like...
my whole body is smiling...
it feels SO good !

Made me realize...we do not pay each other enough compliments...
a pat on the back...goes a long way... right :)

Especially to those...
 in the trenches of motherhood...
fighting small battles daily to win a big war...
raising GOOD kids...

A pleasure and a pain... i don't need to remind you do i ...!
no you know what i mean...
the moral of my story is not about me feeling...

 perplexed [finally... that's the word !!!]

by 'what they saw'...although it's about that too...
because i still wonder...
because i can't imagine what it is that they saw...
love
enjoyment
passion
what...?

Don't you sometimes wish you could 'see' yourself...through the eyes of others...
only the good stuff  though :)
no...
maybe it would be good to see the bad stuff too...?
harder !!!

I just want to say...we all have different strengths and weaknesses...
I just want to say... to all those moms out there...keep on 'fighting the good fight'...
Mothering is what we were created to do...
do it with...

 all your heart...
all your mind...
all your body...
 and 
all your soul...


Do not allow doubt to take seed in your mothering garden...

DO IT YOUR WAY...
YOUR WAY IS GOOD TOO
I see you...
and i am inspired...
trust me !!! i am inspired...

God made you a family...it's no coincidence that...that face looks up at you...
that they call you... mommy


For me it's an EPIC love story...


like...

standing on a mountaintop at dawn...
arms open wide...
the wind in my hair...
my favorite song playing... 
with the whole world at my feet...

breathtaking...

<3<3<3


How would you describe your love story with your kids...?

Measuring Spoons...part 2

Colour me .... BLUE

of late if i were a colour i'd be blue...

not been feeling that great !

Everything getting to be a little 'too much'...

started me thinking...

If only things could be easy...

what's wrong with easy...?

Be fantastic if things could be easy to fix...

but no...

It's just NOT that easy...!

If i had a magic wand...

I would make it just this easy...


Take what you need...

'A pinch of joy...'

'A dash of tenderness...'

'A spoonful of affection...'

'A heap of love...'

my list would go on and on though...

understanding 

health

safety

well being

courage
calm
peace
beauty
excitement
success
common sense
ease
respect
integrity
honesty
sanity
serenity
passion
commitment
faithfulness
honor
bravery
sobriety
guilt
remorse
fruitfulness
clarity
direction
space
closeness
self discipline
willpower
staying power
inspiration
compassion
sympathy
empathy
wonder
spontaneity
communication
forgiveness
humbleness
pride
creativity
morality
knowledge
patientce
IQ
EQ

 Godliness




If only life could be this easy...

But it's not...and so we have to dig deep...
and pray...
we always need to pray...

*Let the Fire Fall...by Carman

Measuring Spoons...part 1

I fell in love with these the moment i saw them...

Now anyone who knows me...knows... i do not really like being in the kitchen...

And these darling measuring spoons will probably never be used the way they were intended to be used...

Not by me...anyway :)

I like the heart design to be sure...!

But what really sold me on them....

These beautiful words...

'A pinch of joy...'

'A dash of tenderness...'

'A spoonful of affection...'

'A heap of love...'

These are words to love by :)

While taking these shots for this post...

I thought to myself...

A heart shaped spoon for each of the ones i love...

all 4 of them...

but not one for me...

that's when i realized...

I am the ribbon and flower that ties this family together... 

Mothers usually are...that's our job...one of  them...

<3<3<3

Foot Note

They hang on a hook on my kitchen door...to remind me...

that no matter what...

to always try to measure out those things inscribed... to the ones i love...