On that particular morning i was having one of 'those' days...u know the kind i mean...
things were.... not off to the best start...and saw me 'storing up' stress in my being like batteries store energy for later use... and BOY did i use it....!
As most mothers know...there is nothing on earth that can produce more worry, stress and genuine heartache that our kids...
That was the emotional space i found myself in, that day... u see Bradley really struggles to adapt to change and it is a problem...! because change is inevitable....!
I was having a word with his sympathetic teacher... and we were trying to formulate a 'game-plan' like 2 coaches do to accommodate the 'star player' [well he is in my eyes anyway]
I was vaguely aware of another mommy in the cloakroom off to my left... i happened to be in the middle of my 'plan B' pitch... which was 'or i could just 'pull' Bradley from the concert all together....' an idea that didn't really 'sit well' with me or the teacher...who quietly voiced her rejection of the idea...but in such a way that i did not feel offended...we were obviously on the same 'play in the book'
It was at that precise moment that this other mommy came through the doorway and insinuated herself smack bang right into the middle of our conversation....with this gem...
"well i am sorry i don't agree with that at all....!" She didn't get any further than that...!
My head swiveled to the left where she stood and i pinned her down with my 'angry eyes' ... i was instantly incised...who did she think she was to judge me...? and feel free to tell me so too...! I wasn't having any of it....!!!!
My mouth opened and words shot out like lightning bolts meant to burn and they found their mark easily...if her face was anything to go by...i am not sure to this day exactly what i said during the first moments of that storm...
By the time my sluggish brain caught up with my nippy mouth... i was able to reign 'it' in and utter these heated words..."with all due respect...you don't understand the circumstances here...!" and i dismissed her at once by turning my attention back to the somewhat stunned 'assistant coach' before me...as we concluded our game plan i was fully aware of the 'burn-victim's' silent and hasty departure from the classroom...
That's when it happened...my until now 'mute' conscience found her voice...and it was LOUD and it was CLEAR....!
I felt miserable for the rest of that morning and kept going round and round...and back around again....
One side of the argument was in favor of the tongue lashing metered out...and the other was insisting that an apology was in order...?! Those nearest and dearest to me defended my actions....while others... not members of my 'golden circle' admitted how it was not like me at all and i should go with the apology... why i asked others for 'help' with this is beyond me...because i knew all along what needed to be done and that i would...say sorry...not for putting her in her place...but for being so nasty about it...
That afternoon when i fetched Bradley i told his teacher i was sorry for 'causing a scene' in her classroom and she was totally understanding even going as far as telling me an apology to the 'burn-victim' was not necessary [what can i say....my bladder sits in my eyes...yes...i cried...]
I decided i would deliver my humble apology when i bumped into her again....if i even managed to recognized her...
Those first few days of 'fetching and carrying' Bradley 'back and forth' i felt nervous about bumping into her and wondered if she was 'healing' well...
As time passed... swiftly... as time does......i became aware of a shift in my own feelings on this matter...i was now hoping for another accidental meeting...as time was of the essence...
As Bradley's LAST week at nursery school began to draw to a painful close for me ... i became worried that our paths would not cross...
On that last day.... dropping him off for.... the last time.... i remember closing the car door and in the back of my mind feeling sadly resigned to not being able to 'say sorry'....time had passed.... [a whole week.....water under the bridge]
I had bigger problems to worry about....not only was i dealing with 'the end of an era'...*sniff*. but Bradley's nerves about the graduation and concert that night were uppermost in my mind and heart....talk about going out with a bang!!
Fast forward to 6 for 6:30...the auditorium at the University of Technology
I had many thought and feelings running through my mind....how is Bradley coping..?...i can 'feel' that he is not happy :( as a result i too am not happy .......I DON'T WANT TO CRY!!!! ..... i KNOW i WILL....!!....i hope no one sees....so what if i cry.... and 'they' see....
Somehow in the midst of this, another storm... i find time to wonder about my burn-victim...she must be here tonight...somewhere in this 'sea of faces' i have given up on that apology...what are the chances of seeing her tonight...let alone getting a chance to speak...
I am sitting eating my salt and vinegar Lays chips....they are SO good ! but i shouldn't be indulging this way....i am on a diet after all....i feel bad about eating them....there are people still arriving.... filling empty, quite uncomfortable seats....the row in front of us has a few seats still open...people come...it's obvious the two grannies in front of me who have been here a while already... are 'with' these latecomers...
they take their seats...the lady in front of Edwin turns around to ask me to 'call' a friend seated in the row behind us...i smile and do so...they greet each other and congratulate themselves on ...'getting there'...as i sit and watch this little 'show' i start to wonder...isn't this her... she looks a little familiar to me...the hair isn't curly tonight though...she may have straightened it... i lean forward and touch her shoulder...'are u the mommy i had words with the other day...?' i asked .... Yes it's her!....i apologize very sincerely and she graciously accepts and tells me she is happy i am there...confusion for a moment... then clarity... i WAS threatening to remove Bradley from the events about to unfold...I say 'yes it was touch and go there for a moment wasn't it' and smile...she smiles back...our exchange is over...i can't believe how 'lucky' i am....
Things are about to start....our kiddies enter in from the back... carrying little torches... to the song 'carry your candle' i am totally overwhelmed by emotion the tears start and just won't stop...no matter how hard i try.......i notice she too is crying ... her husband has his arm around her shoulders to give comfort and she seems not to be 'worried' about her tears and who sees them...
i spot my little son and my heart explodes with love for him...
Afterwards...when all is said and done...i marvel at how God works in my life...
Think about it....
what were the chances of being able to 'fix' this...slim to none... she was essentially a stranger i spoke [harsh words] to once... the lights were dimmed... the place was packed... the tickets were bought weeks ago and they could have been seated.... ANYWHERE.... way out in front of us....next to us but further along our row....or somewhere behind us....and i would NEVER EVER have seen her face....had i not been placed right there between her and her friend...she would not have turned around to ask me for 'help' and in doing so...revealed herself to me....that's just too perfect to be a coincidence my friends...it was all part of the plan...
Later that evening after enjoying the kids on stage... we got another opportunity to speak very briefly as we walked past each other....me having fetched mine from the teacher and her on the way to fetch hers... and i learned her reason for interjecting the way she had that stormy Friday morning...and i'll tell you this ... she deserved my apology... and so with lessons learned all round.... all's well that ends well...
and I was grateful to God for so many things that night :)
It was at that precise moment that this other mommy came through the doorway and insinuated herself smack bang right into the middle of our conversation....with this gem...
"well i am sorry i don't agree with that at all....!" She didn't get any further than that...!
My head swiveled to the left where she stood and i pinned her down with my 'angry eyes' ... i was instantly incised...who did she think she was to judge me...? and feel free to tell me so too...! I wasn't having any of it....!!!!
My mouth opened and words shot out like lightning bolts meant to burn and they found their mark easily...if her face was anything to go by...i am not sure to this day exactly what i said during the first moments of that storm...
By the time my sluggish brain caught up with my nippy mouth... i was able to reign 'it' in and utter these heated words..."with all due respect...you don't understand the circumstances here...!" and i dismissed her at once by turning my attention back to the somewhat stunned 'assistant coach' before me...as we concluded our game plan i was fully aware of the 'burn-victim's' silent and hasty departure from the classroom...
That's when it happened...my until now 'mute' conscience found her voice...and it was LOUD and it was CLEAR....!
I felt miserable for the rest of that morning and kept going round and round...and back around again....
One side of the argument was in favor of the tongue lashing metered out...and the other was insisting that an apology was in order...?! Those nearest and dearest to me defended my actions....while others... not members of my 'golden circle' admitted how it was not like me at all and i should go with the apology... why i asked others for 'help' with this is beyond me...because i knew all along what needed to be done and that i would...say sorry...not for putting her in her place...but for being so nasty about it...
That afternoon when i fetched Bradley i told his teacher i was sorry for 'causing a scene' in her classroom and she was totally understanding even going as far as telling me an apology to the 'burn-victim' was not necessary [what can i say....my bladder sits in my eyes...yes...i cried...]
I decided i would deliver my humble apology when i bumped into her again....if i even managed to recognized her...
Those first few days of 'fetching and carrying' Bradley 'back and forth' i felt nervous about bumping into her and wondered if she was 'healing' well...
As time passed... swiftly... as time does......i became aware of a shift in my own feelings on this matter...i was now hoping for another accidental meeting...as time was of the essence...
As Bradley's LAST week at nursery school began to draw to a painful close for me ... i became worried that our paths would not cross...
On that last day.... dropping him off for.... the last time.... i remember closing the car door and in the back of my mind feeling sadly resigned to not being able to 'say sorry'....time had passed.... [a whole week.....water under the bridge]
I had bigger problems to worry about....not only was i dealing with 'the end of an era'...*sniff*. but Bradley's nerves about the graduation and concert that night were uppermost in my mind and heart....talk about going out with a bang!!
Fast forward to 6 for 6:30...the auditorium at the University of Technology
I had many thought and feelings running through my mind....how is Bradley coping..?...i can 'feel' that he is not happy :( as a result i too am not happy .......I DON'T WANT TO CRY!!!! ..... i KNOW i WILL....!!....i hope no one sees....so what if i cry.... and 'they' see....
Somehow in the midst of this, another storm... i find time to wonder about my burn-victim...she must be here tonight...somewhere in this 'sea of faces' i have given up on that apology...what are the chances of seeing her tonight...let alone getting a chance to speak...
I am sitting eating my salt and vinegar Lays chips....they are SO good ! but i shouldn't be indulging this way....i am on a diet after all....i feel bad about eating them....there are people still arriving.... filling empty, quite uncomfortable seats....the row in front of us has a few seats still open...people come...it's obvious the two grannies in front of me who have been here a while already... are 'with' these latecomers...
they take their seats...the lady in front of Edwin turns around to ask me to 'call' a friend seated in the row behind us...i smile and do so...they greet each other and congratulate themselves on ...'getting there'...as i sit and watch this little 'show' i start to wonder...isn't this her... she looks a little familiar to me...the hair isn't curly tonight though...she may have straightened it... i lean forward and touch her shoulder...'are u the mommy i had words with the other day...?' i asked .... Yes it's her!....i apologize very sincerely and she graciously accepts and tells me she is happy i am there...confusion for a moment... then clarity... i WAS threatening to remove Bradley from the events about to unfold...I say 'yes it was touch and go there for a moment wasn't it' and smile...she smiles back...our exchange is over...i can't believe how 'lucky' i am....
Things are about to start....our kiddies enter in from the back... carrying little torches... to the song 'carry your candle' i am totally overwhelmed by emotion the tears start and just won't stop...no matter how hard i try.......i notice she too is crying ... her husband has his arm around her shoulders to give comfort and she seems not to be 'worried' about her tears and who sees them...
i spot my little son and my heart explodes with love for him...
Afterwards...when all is said and done...i marvel at how God works in my life...
Think about it....
what were the chances of being able to 'fix' this...slim to none... she was essentially a stranger i spoke [harsh words] to once... the lights were dimmed... the place was packed... the tickets were bought weeks ago and they could have been seated.... ANYWHERE.... way out in front of us....next to us but further along our row....or somewhere behind us....and i would NEVER EVER have seen her face....had i not been placed right there between her and her friend...she would not have turned around to ask me for 'help' and in doing so...revealed herself to me....that's just too perfect to be a coincidence my friends...it was all part of the plan...
Later that evening after enjoying the kids on stage... we got another opportunity to speak very briefly as we walked past each other....me having fetched mine from the teacher and her on the way to fetch hers... and i learned her reason for interjecting the way she had that stormy Friday morning...and i'll tell you this ... she deserved my apology... and so with lessons learned all round.... all's well that ends well...
and I was grateful to God for so many things that night :)
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